Divyne's Realm

Broken....check out Blog on Myspace www.myspace.com/missdivyne

2006-12-13T10:13:00.000-05:00

Have We Become Desensitized? -Part 2 Look for it on MySpace www.myspace.com/missdivyne

2006-06-15T11:19:00.000-04:00

Have We Become Desensitized?

2006-05-24T10:24:00.000-04:00

One of My Last Posts...

2006-02-23T11:49:00.000-05:00

This is an emotional post for me. I am sincerely thinking about closing this blog.

The original purpose for this blog was solely an outlet for my expression. However, over time it has become a ministry tool as people got to read first hand my experiences out of a life of destruction and into a life of promise. Many people have wrote me saying how reading these experiences have changed their outlook and have given them encouragement to press towards true salvation. I am truly humbled and honored by this. I'm very thankful that the word of my testimony has helped others. To God be the Glory! I encourage you to speak on the things God does for you as well so people can know that it is possible to come out of afflictions and tribulations and rise as a world overcomer in Christ Jesus. I sit back and read this blog at times to remember exactly what God has brought me through, and it gives me faith that he can and will bring me through much more! As long as I stay focused on him, everything else will fall into place.

God has recently given me the vision for my first published book! So if I hardly ever post, its because I am working on that. I'll continue to use this to post blogs for speaking engagements related to deliverance of sexual sins, as well as spoken word events. Thank you blogspot family for being supportive. Most of all thank you Jesus Christ for bringing me through and making me that new creature I am today.
Please if you have any questions or comments regarding an entry leave them on here and e-mail me at divyne@yahoo.com or at www.myspace.com/missdivyne.

These lyrics from Kierra Kiki Sheard explains exactly how I feel....Thank you

Praise Offering

Verse I:With outstretched hands
And with a sincere heart
I come to You with thanks
And worship for who You are

B-Section:It’s of Your mercies we are not consumed(It’s Your unmerited favor)
And Your compassions fail us not(For they are new every morning)
Great is Thy faithfulness

Chorus:Lord please hear these lips of worship
As we offer praise
Holy Holy Holy oh God of glory

Verse 2:With words never spoken
And melodies of songs never heard
With showers of anointing
And blessing we don’t deserve

Vamp:It belongs to You
I owe to You my everything
My gratitude
And thanks to You for saving me

Written by James Moss(c)2004 Millenni-Era Music/ASCAP

Love=Emotions?

2006-02-13T13:18:00.000-05:00

I was thinking of how around this time especially(Valentine's Day), women tend to get so caught up in their emotions.

When are we going to realize that LOVE is not something merely based on emotions! Yes emotions are a part of it, but it is not the focus its a benefit. And that's exactly why so many people end up hurt because as soon as they feel a negative emotion, they are quick to let what they claimed to be "love" go.

I can say this...that this is the very FIRST time I am experiencing true love. People ask me, Why do you love him? How do you know? etc. And the best answer I can give is that I have made a conscious decision to love him. I have chosen to love him. And since I have chosen to love him, how I feel on one day cannot change the fact that I love him. Why? Because I have made a decision to love him. Despite any negative qualities, despite the fact that he may not always say or do the right things, I Love Him....without conditions...And "emotions" I feel from one day to the next won't change that. It is what it is...

To express what I feel in regards to maintaining Control of our Emotions I've written something:

Women we’re known as emotional beings
Always thinking of the person we’re seeing
Nevertheless, as I regress, to the time we invest
It seems that at its best
That being labeled as an “emotional being”
Isn’t far from the truth
We’ve been that way since the days of our youth
Only heightened after that first period
We see he’s fine, and start acting delirious
Mind wanders back to HIM several times a day
Contemplating futures and children together
Only to our dismay
He wasn’t the “one”
Yet we’ve created this picture in our head
Of how he had the qualities
Of the man in our dreams
Which we could have realized sooner
Had we not let emotionalism
Disguise what’s merely the carbon copy
Now you’ve mistaken butterfly feelings
And a fast heartbeat
For Love
Control is the operative word
So Emotions…don’t get stuck

Peace and Blessings
Divyne

Itinerary for 2006....A Working Document!

2006-01-26T16:31:00.000-05:00

If you have any questions regarding these upcoming events please e-mail me at divyne81@yahoo.com

If you enjoy good bible teaching ministering, spoken word, inspirational, and gospel music you don't want to miss out on any of the events!

1. Sexual Healing: The Truth About Your Sexual Nature Crusade

Venue: Gospel Ark Temple Bible Way Church
4551 Benning Road SE, Washington, DC

Date: February 24-25, 2006 7:30pm Friday and 10:00 am Saturday Promptly

Registration Fee: $15 per person adults- $10 per person youth/teens 9-17 yrs $20.00 at the door for everyone
www.monicabrownministries.com

2. Black History Month Community Celebration!

Venue: Langley Park Boys and Girls Club. There will be an array of gospel, hop hip, and R&B entertainment. I will be performing spoken word.

Date: February 26, 2006 5:00pm-9:00pm

All are invited to attend!

3. Southern Christian Leadership Conference 27th Annual Celebration

Venue: Cedar Street Baptist Church
2301 Cedar Street
Richmond, VA 23223

Date: April 27, 2006 and April 28, 2006

Note: The performances at Greater Mt Calvary in Waldorf, MD for March 17, 2006 and Crenshaw Christian Center in LA, CA for April 30, 2006 are tentative dates. Once they are no longer tentative I will send an update with information. If you have ANY questions or want further information regarding any of the above events please feel free to email me at divyne81@yahoo.com. Thank you and Be Blessed!

I'm It!

2006-01-18T15:10:00.000-05:00

I decided to tag myself from another blog, using her topic because I have been suffering from a creativity block when it comes to blogging. The blog topic was for people to write 5 interesting, and random facts about themselves to share.

So here goes...

1. I have an OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I am obsessed with looking in the mirror. My mom says it started when I was a baby. She put a mirror in my crib, and I've been obsessed ever since. I glance at myself in any and every surface that shows my reflection. Car mirrors, compact mirrors, windows, the list goes on. Now over the years, I've learned to control it...I think. Maybe its just the fact that I've mastered the art of looking at myself on the sneak tip. Now most would think I'm insecure, or some form of vanity. I think its neither. I just REALLY love the way God made me. In conjunction with looking at myself all the time, I ALWAYS put on some type of lip gloss or balm.

2. I did a couple of month stint at a Strip Club back in 2000. Praise God for deliverance! I was really tripping back then. The situation can almost be compared to that Player's Club movie. I was working at the Wet Seal in Georgetown, DC. I met two girls by the name of Diamond and Honey. They blew my naive head up so big. Saying things like, "You are so beautiful, and sexy! You would make so much money at _________club." At the time, I didn't think much of myself, and I had a daring and rebellious spirit. So like everything else I got into during that era of my life. I said what the HELL!? In exchange for my dignity and self respect, I did make a lot of money. I was bringing home so much money my parents began to ask questions, especially since they knew my cousin danced. I lied and told them I was a "waitress" which explained all the 'one and five dollar bills' I would have. So that's how the name "Divyne" was birthed. It was my stripper alias. How ironic?! Today, I walk true to my divinity in Christ so the name fits afterall. :-)

3. Everyone who knows me, knows my middle name to be "Lucy." It is that, but it's actually spelled "Lucee." I don't know WHY on earth, my mom gave my name that ugly spelling. So what if she was trying to combine both grandmother's names of Lucy and Lucille together? The "LUCEE" spelling still looks absolutely dumb to me. So whenever I write out my middle name I always write it as Lucy.

4. I almost died. My first year of college I had this big rare tumor/cyst in my uterus. It is called a "Dermoid Cyst." This thing was so rare, that the surgeons took pictures. It was disgusting. These cysts have stuff like hair and bone in them. They said it was in me since birth, but by the time I was 17 it began to grow exponentially. It was like I had a little alien in me. LOL I would go to the doctor for sharp pains in High School, and they attributed everything to stress. Shoooooooot, I knew what I was talking about. Something had to be wrong, but the doctors thought I was tripping. I was walking around w/ a little pot belly for months. People in my first year of college thought I was pregnant. It wasn't until October 1999 that the Cyst began to leak, and make me so sick that I had to be admitted into the hospital. The doctors then did some real evaluations and discovered the cyst. I ended up spending my 18th birthday in the hospital. October 3, 1999. See, I told ya'll I wasn't prego!

5. I haven't even received an engagement ring, but I already worry about who my bridesmaids will be. I have at least 5 women who consider me their best-friend. Now that I am in ministry I have at least 4 "covenant" sisters in Christ who I would love to be in my wedding. I talk to them on a regular basis now, although the friends from my past have been there...some since my Kindergarten days. *sigh*....I know I won't be able to please everyone, but I can't stand the fact that someone's feelings may be hurt. As we know women can be petty, and sensitive. So this is something I will definitely have to pray on.

Okay now you're it:

IntricateEssence
DivaDisclosures (Where have you been?)
Rell
Nicky
KansasScott

Do I Waste That Much Time?

2006-01-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

Ecclesiastes 3:6, "A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away."

There is a time and a season for everything. But I am writing this blog to pose a question in your mind. How much time are you wasting in life?

I have NEVER been one who likes to mull around doing nothing. I have truly taken the quote, "time is of the essence" to another level. You can tell what is most valuable to people by where they spend the majority of their time. What is valuable to you? Is it television, study, volunteering, family, music, etc.?

You will find that many of us will say something is most valuable to us, yet its not what we are spending the most time doing.

So I've decided to share with you part of an assignment I was given for Bible Institute.

Our task is to document our activity for every hour of the day for four weeks. I'm not saying do this for 4 weeks, unless you feel compelled after reading this to join me.

And trust, this activity is pulling on my flesh. I don't enjoy it at times. Nevertheless, I am seeing where I spend my time. For example...Since my goal is to work in ministry, then the majority of my time throughout the day should involve studying the word, reading the word, meditating on the word, or watching/listening to tapes or CD's regarding the bible, and biblical topics, praying, etc.

And if you are trying to achieve goals in school, business, ministry, etc. Please stay away from the number one enemy....Television. Its too easy nowadays to get caught up in television series... I'm a victim of it myself. America's Top Model had tendencies of sucking me in from time to time, when I could have gotten a lot more out of that half hour of the day.

Please email me if you have decided to take part in this or send me a comment.

And remember the most prosperous, stress free individuals are the one's who are "time" conscious.

So What Does the Year of "Pressing In" Mean For Me?

2006-01-03T15:43:00.000-05:00

Well, this year has been declared the year of "Pressing In" for my particular church ministry. After meditating on the word for this particular theme, I have decided to write down what I will be pressing towards for 2006. These are not resolutions, nonethless this is an "accountability log" for the year. This blog entry will serve as a reminder as to what I'm praying for and what I'm working towards in the spiritual realm. As blessings transfer themselves from the spritual realm in the natural, i will check them off this list. Throughout the year I will have periodic updates on this list. I am posting this for people to witness the power of God, as well as if you'd like to come in agreement through prayer on a particular issue , or if you would like for me to intercede on something you are pressing towards, to be able to shoot me a comment or an e-mail.

So Here Goes...

Deliverance of family members from the hands of Satan into the body of Christ. Particularly my father's deliverance from his drug addiction, as well as my cousin's battles with homosexuality.
Deliverance of more friends from my past into the body of Christ. No need to elaborate, self explanatory.
Godly wisdom regarding the handling of finances, making my money work for me, utilizing a budget, eliminating more debt, walking in whole prosperity.
To sow seeds of at least 50% more to the body of Christ.
To maintain an A average in bible institute.
To have work published this year! Which means I rebuke writer's block!
The completion of a gospel spoken word/hip hop CD!
To become more knowledgeable in the area of Real Estate and prepare myself to purchase property with NO MONEY DOWN!
To drink more water while during regular crunches.
To have more supernatural encounters with God through prayer and fasting.
To memorize a favorite bible scripture a week through meditation and to complete at least 5 extensive studies of the word of God. First topic being: Women in the Bible.
To develop an even closer relationship with my sweetie, getting to know him no holds bars! Being open to possible communication lab dates later in the year if Holy Spirit confirms that we are ready.
To go out with our church's outreach ministry more often.
To become less focused on the opinions of Man and more focused on Kingdom Business!

This is all I have, if I feel the need to add to this list I will. But umm, it sounds pretty complete. I decree and declare that all of these things are done in Jesus Name!

This year is significant for me because this will be the FIRST year I will have walked in complete obedience to the Lord! When I finally stopped "half-stepping" in July of 05, not only were new friends and relationships in Christ released to me, but also new opportunities for wealth, as well as for me to spread the Gospel. I say "half-stepping" because although I was "saved" I was not in complete, total, submission until July 2005. God has put me in the likes of celebrities, men and women of God, just from being obedient to his word. The Lord has moved faster than the speed of light on my behalf. So if my life can do a 180 in this short amount of time, I can't even imagine what he will do now that I am completely free from bondage and sin! My God thinks on a much larger scale, so I know there are no limits!

This year my life will continue to serve as a testimony to believers and non-believers all over that God is real, and that the blood of Jesus does wash clean, and that there is power when you possess the Holy Spirit. Now this blog isn't for the haters. But if you can agree with me, and you are receiving the same for yourself, just send me an Amen!

To God be the Glory Forever and Ever Amen!

It's ALREADY fixed in 2006!

2005 some things were released, 2006 It's time to Press On In! I'm ready!

2006-01-03T09:50:00.000-05:00

Phillipians 3:13-14
13Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
14I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ

I'm Starting To...

2005-12-29T14:57:00.000-05:00

I’m Starting To…

Confirmed in my spirit through the Comforter
I coached myself into opening up
Not feeling a need to see anyone
Fellowship with Holy Spirit, was always enough
Having been burned in the world before
Hesitation was my initial reaction
Working to disregard past situations
Not letting them hinder or become distractions

So I look into your eyes and sigh…
I’m starting to…

Maybe I’m not, besides I haven’t known you long
Maybe I’m infatuated with the anointing
The fact that you’re a Man of God who’s strong
I’ve never felt like this before
So how do I know it’s real?
Yes I think of how I can please you
Before pleasing myself
Is that how I’m supposed to feel?

So I look into your eyes and sigh
I’m starting to…

Why does it feel right to tell you the deep things?
The skeletons that I’ve locked away
Hidden from my own conscious
Yet I’ve told you with no hesitations, I feel okay
What is this anyway?
Not sure of what I’m feeling, or even what to say
Sometimes, well a lot I daydream of you
Of a future together and the things I would do

So I look into your eyes and sigh
I’m starting to…

I want to be the one you come to first
You’ve gained a best friend who listens
Issues on the job, dealings with people
Anything about ministry, anything worth mentioning
Walking in patience and compassion at all times
Seeking guidance from Holy Spirit
Realizing I can see life with you
A best friend at all times, to help you live it

As I look into your eyes and sigh
I know I’m starting to love you…

Divyne
12/29/05

What to do when the PERFECT man is not YOUR man....

2005-12-22T12:03:00.000-05:00

2 Corinthians 10:4-5
4(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Okay for those "faithful" readers, you know my story. You know my testimony of deliverance from a life of perversion, grief, drugs, drinking, etc. You also have seen my transition from that into living a life for Christ, entering ministry, and also entering a relationship.

Whew...entering a relationship. Well what can I say? God has blessed me with a man who fits the "general" prototype I have asked for. He's a true man of God who teaches me and cultivates me with the word daily, he's OVER 6 feet (I love tall men), he's down to earth, he's Holy but not "super spiritual" (there is a difference), he has a great sense of humor, and he's definitely no punk "gump" Christian. Like I've said before, there has been an overwhelming sense of peace in dealing with him. And truth be told, I have grown to love Him. Yes I said it...I love this man. Have I told him? No...and that's another blog discussion on another day.

So, to make a long and complicated story really short. There is another man in my life, one of my brothers who I wrote about in the blog "Dedication to MEN." Over a very short period of time we have developed a friendship that is da bomb! (haven't used that slang term in awhile, but it was neccesary to describe this friendship) I feel like I can share any and everything with him. And as our friendship grows I realize just how much we have in common. But this is where it gets tricky. This man HAS everything that my current mate LACKS. His style, his way with words, his affectionate personality, and ladies THIS man even loves to shop for women. To top it all off, he is OVER 6 feet, handsome chocolate brother, who exudes much sex appeal. (okay ya'll I'm not lusting, but its the truth).

I am almost ashamed to say that since talking with him, EVERY thought and imagination contrary to the word of God has gone on in my head. (I shouldn't have to be specific)

How do I know its contrary? Well the bible says in I Corinthians 14:40, "Let all things be done decently and in order." This scripture denotes the fact that our God is a God of order. Verse 33 of that same chapter states, "For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. " Let me submit to you, that anything that will cause confusion, anything that will destroy peace, is NOT of God. I know for a fact that I've heard from God when it comes to who I am seeing, andI believe that before this man became engaged that he heard from God as well.

Well I am always discussing in my blog how to overcome and beat "fleshy desires." See God put this man in my life to show me how I should be treated as well as show me that there are good genuine men of God out here. So with that being said, Satan is actively trying to make that statement false. Satan spends day and night in heaven accusing the saints of wrong doings so

God will not bless them:

10And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
11And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. Revelation 12:10-11

This man and I have great futures ahead of us. We are destined to be prosperous, and do awesome things to exalt the Kingdom of God. Just as God knows that, the enemy does as well and he doesn't like it.

So...what's next? What do we do?

It's natural for a human to think things like, "Boy, if I was single, and he was single, the things I'd do, yada, yada, etc. etc." So when those thoughts come up we must maintain self control, confess the word of God over our friendship and our relationship, and intercede on behalf of each others lives. We continue doing exactly what Satan doesn't want us to do. Because I truly love him, and God is love, then I will value his holiness and honor his relationship.

Wow...thank you Holy Spirit. As I was typing I realized that if I do this, God will continue to cultivate my man and make him the PERFECT man for me and vice-versa. By walking in Obedience, Honor, and Holiness, he will grant me the desires of my heart.

Psalm 37:4-5,"Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

I hope this helps someone....because TRUST when I go off on things like this, I am preaching to myself FIRST before anyone else...

Peace and Blessings

Divyne

Not as Fun as it Looks on TV!

2005-12-21T16:18:00.000-05:00

Being in the recording studio is not as fun as it looks on TV. I'm working off of 8 hours of sleep for 2 days. I'm sure other artists can agree. I've realized that my enjoyment comes from the performing I've been able to do at various churches, and ministries. Nevertheless, God has given me this talent so I would be doing a disservice to the Kingdom if I didn't record my music and spoken word for everyone to hear.
I will keep everyone posted regarding the compilation album I'm working on. We are on the grind, and should have the album done by the end of the year. So that gives us about a week and a half to grind. But its Kingdom Business so it has to be done...
We are ministers of Reconciliation! So fellow believers do your part. Whether you are a business owner, or an Administrative Assistant, we do our part by showing people who Christ is in the world through our talents, gifts, and lifestyle.

So if you are wondering why I haven't blogged in awhile...Well...There you have it!
II Corinthians 5:18-19 (KJV)18And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; 19To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.

Is execution THE solution?

2005-12-02T09:39:00.000-05:00

Kenneth Boyd. The 1000th execution in the United States since the reinstatement of capital punishment when he was put to death by lethal injection on Friday.

I'm will not state my opinions on this subject matter right now. However, I'm curious to hear other bloggers views and opinions on the death penalty. Is it neccessary? If yes, when? If it isn't right, why? Please comment. I will do a follow blog discussing the comments at a later date.

For more information on the death penalty visit this site: www.deathpenaltyinfo.org

This site provides state-by-state information on executions, history of the death penalty, discusses mental retardation, race, innocence, deterrence, and botched execution.

Dedication to MEN

2005-11-30T13:11:00.000-05:00

Proverbs 17:17: A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Over the past year, I’ve been blessed to encounter relationships with men that have blown my mind. I know that God has brought these men into my life to let me know two things. Number one: There are some good men of God in this world, who value and respect women. Number two: To show me how I’m worthy of being treated.

My track record with men in relationships or friendships hasn’t been the best. There was a time during my “lost years” where I did not feel there were any good men in the world. I believed that men were all for themselves, that they weren’t considerate, and that they were full of deceit and trickery. Needless to say, I was bamboozled, hoodwinked, deceived, by the enemy! There are indeed some awesome men out here in this world. In the past year, the men in my life (whom I consider my brothers in Christ) have brought my thinking to another level. These men treat me with the utmost respect, and because of them my standards are at an all time high for my future husband to treat me. So this blog is designed to give tribute to a few of them. If I wrote about every man I encountered that has blessed my life, I’d be typing all day.

Wayland- Wayland is the greatest! This man opens doors, carries the heavy stuff, well ALL of the brothers do things like that. What makes him so special is that he is the first man at my church that I’ve felt comfortable with opening up too. He’s brought out the best in me as far as my writing, and lyricist skills go. He gives constructive criticism, backed by the Word of God, and he prays with me and for me. I could go on, and on about him but I’d be all day. He’s just an AWESOME, talented, and passionate about Jesus, man of valor, who deserves nothing but the best in life. Because of his faith, I have no doubt that he won’t.

Aaron- I don’t talk to him as much but Aaron is a cultivator and a supporter as well. When I’m down, or even when I’m up, he’s straight WORD! And although we may differ on the ideals, we don’t differ in the ultimate goal. That goal is to work towards hearing, “Well done thy good and faithful servant,” from our Lord one day. If we can’t agree on anything else, we can agree on our LOVE for Jesus Christ. He’s a sweet, gentleman, who’s taught me through example, the Love of Jesus.

Juan- I first met this brother in my church parking lot. I was having “challenges” getting into a space, and he parked my car for me. We’ve been like peas & carrots ever since. He’s awesome and is engaged to be married to a wonderful woman. I am so happy for him! This man has taught me the true meaning of chivalry. Just yesterday as it was pouring raining outside, he offered to get my car, and then he drove it to me, and opened the door for me. All so I wouldn’t get wet in the rain. Ladies you know how we are about our hair, and I didn’t have an umbrella so this was a blessing! He treats ALL women like this, and when he says, “What’s up?” Its not a rhetorical question, he REALLY cares.

Michael- This is my online brother! God willing we will meet in person one day. This is my across the country “intercessor.” We learn from each other, and he ALWAYS has a listening ear…even at 4 am. J This is the newest brother, but I definitely see God doing some amazing things in this relationship. He’s already helped me to develop my prayer life even greater. His passion for Christ, his morals, and intelligence, is something to be admired.

Trust when I say that I have some others I could mention, but I’m going to leave it here. As women, we should be treating the men in our lives with the love of God, and with the utmost respect. That way, their standards can be lifted when it comes to the types of women they will desire and seek as wives. It is important to not only serve as a “help meet” for our husband but for men in general. Sometimes a man is just in need of a kind, loving word, from a good woman. Instead of downing our brothers, and calling them failures, tell them what they are good at, let them know that they are worthy of all the blessings in life. Let's be their friends! Love doesn’t stop when there’s adversity. It’s longsuffering. Knowing these “truths” has changed my life.

For all the MEN in my life, and even those who aren’t a regular part of my life, know that you are indeed LOVED and have a Sister in Christ in Divyne, ready to give you a good word from the Lord, and encouragement.

Love,

I'm a Blogging Somebody Today....Check this out...

2005-11-28T16:37:00.000-05:00

A Year Ago

A year ago I didn’t have peace
Walked as if I had chains on my feet
In a chain gang
Full of pain
Total complete misery
Not physically blind
But my heart couldn’t see
Soul was mortified
Death was becoming of me

If you looked closely
You could see it in my eyes
Full of depression and despise
But my mouth was telling lies
Speaking a false existence
Everything’s alright
Yes I’m okay
Not acknowledging the fact
That I pondered the thought
Of dying Everyday

How I pictured my funeral
And wondered who would come
Would they grieve, and then leave
Go watch a game and talk about who won
What would they say?
Oh just another black girl who died today
Wasn’t she gay?
Oh that’s a shame
I hope she knew God.
Maybe she didn’t
And that’s why her mother
Cried so hard

September 7th 2004
How I wanted it to be me
Instead of my best friend
Who knocked on heavens door
These are some things that I thought about daily
Along with visualizing my death
In different scenarios, punished severely
Down and out, I walked in Condemnation
Holding hands with Satan
Vainly trying to solve the problems
I was creating

By myself, not fully willing
To submit
Under the Authority of God
Yet, it’s ironic how I called for Jesus
Those nights I cried so hard
I was scarred
Used by men, women, and some family
Called myself raped by the system
But it was me who was doing the damaging

Stabbed with sin
Bleeding from pain
Of some self inflicted wombs
A zombie in darkness
When Christ died, so I could consume
Everlasting life
I became tired
So I fought to get out of that tomb
Became born again
Like I was fresh from the womb

The next step, I closed some doors
Those perverted folks
I couldn’t roll with no more
Ungodly counsel
Put on hold for too long
What God had in store
I had to humble myself
Move back home
And start from scratch
Confessing that everything
Taken from me
God was taking it back
There’d be no lack
If I continued on the journey
I regained My Life
So listen to the story…

The Autobiography of a Daddy’s Girl: Part 1

Copyright 2005 by Divyne

Newsflash!!! Its Exclusive!

2005-11-28T11:50:00.000-05:00

For those who've been keeping up. It's Official. We are "Exclusive." Meaning we aren't dating anyone else, but each other. And we are dating with "marriage" in mind. We both have the mindset that dating, just to date, is something we don't do. And if we are going to date each other, its because we see the potential to develop into something much greater.

Thanksgiving was wonderful, and he spent it with me this year. He loves my family, and vice versa. My older brother had the "brother/man to man" talk, and he actually feels at peace with me seeing him. Major cool points! To be quite honest, I wouldn't care if anyone else in the family liked my sweetie or not with the exception of my immediate family. That includes my mom, dad, and brother. Everyone else, I could care less how they feel about him. My baby has gotten the official okay from my family, and that's all that matters.

Out of everything that occured this weekend, this took the cake. I had a discussion with him on his consideration. Basically, I need to see more of it. Open doors, have an attentive ear when it comes to the things I like etc. Instead of saying something like, "What the Heck do you mean I'm not considerate, I do this and that for you?!" (I was used to getting that from people) He was highly receptive, apologized, and WANTS to please me. Ladies what we have to realize is that sometimes your man may not have been taught by a woman in his life, the correct way to treat a woman. Or he may have been with women whose standards are not as high as yours, therefore, he was never taught to open your car door, pull up to the front of everywhere you go so you wont have to walk the parking lot in your nice stilleto heels, etc. So don't catch an attitude if he doesn't do these things. Simply ask him, and tell him that you like it. And remember TONE is important. And ALWAYS start off by uplifting him and telling him the things that he has been good at. Trust me it works! If it doesn't, then HE isn't really concerned about pleasing you, so I would keep it moving. Ladies remember, this goes BOTH ways. Treat him the way you want to be treated. Its important to cater to each other.

Aww....Divyne has a man!....Wow...A good one too...That's a LONG way from where I was a year ago. To God be the Glory!

20 minutes

2005-11-28T11:25:00.000-05:00

I just found out that for my performance this Sunday at H20 I have a 20 minute spot. For those who don’t know, this Sunday I will be performing at Christian Hang Suites, First Sunday’s event opening up for Gospel Artist Canton Jones. Initially, fear crept in. 20 minutes is a long time to be on someone’s stage when you think about it, trying to keep people’s attention. There are also some influential people in the Gospel industry who will be at this performance, checking me out. How I do on Sunday will determine a lot as far as future performances goes. No pressure right?! lol However, I must realize that God has preordained me to do this, so I have no reason to worry. Everyone who he’s called, he’s also equipped. This thing is bigger than me. God’s people will be under the sound of my voice, and I confess that the words that I speak on December 4th, are not my own! Holy Spirit its your time to INCREASE as Divyne the person DECREASES. I pray that your people will come with a heart willing to receive, and that their ears are anointed to hear the word of God, through spoken word and song. I thank you Lord in advance, for Holy Spirit bringing all things to remembrance on that day, and for serving as my comforter. In the words of Ray Charles, “It’s time to make it do what it do baby.”

RSVP: www.firstsundaysdc.com

The Pound Cake Disaster

2005-11-23T21:43:00.001-05:00

I must be feeling this man! Although I like to cook, I am not a baker. Last Sunday as my sweetie and I were in the grocery store, he mentioned how much he loves a butter pound cake. Well, my "sweet and considerate" self decided to surprise him with a homemade butter pound cake, made by Yours Truly, when he comes over tomorrow for Thanksgiving. Thank God for my mom, because without her help, the pound cake would have been even more of a disaster.

First mistake made by Divyne: I didn't know that the directive to "cream butter" meant to actually soften the butter and sugar together. I thought the word "cream" was being used as an adjective instead of a verb. I was just putting everything in the bowl all together, and started to mix it all at once. Praise God my mom came in the kitchen and said, "What in the world are you doing?" I was making a total mess. lol And you know people can't stand to watch people do something wrong they know how to do themselves, so she took over. Needless to say, I did not stop her.

Second mistake made by Divyne's mommy: I had 2 cake pans. My mom called herself evenly distributing the batter amongst the two pans. She did succeed in that. However, she did this without the consideration that cake batter does in fact "rise." In fact, that cake began to rise so much, that we looked like a scene from an old "I Love Lucy" rerun. (Young folks wouldn't know anything about that)Now our entire home is smoky, from the batter spilling over into the oven, and now we have to put foil under the pan to hold the batter when it drips. With all of the commotion in the house, the cake fell. :-( It's just a HOT mess!

The cake has to come out in 5 more minutes. For all this trouble, it better at least taste good. Matter of fact, he BETTER eat it! (thinking of the scene from What's Love Got to do With It, "Eat the cake Tina, Eat the g*$ da*$ cake Tina!") LOL My mind goes some crazy places.

What I've learned from this? Baking is not my niche. I"ll stick to cooking my specialties. Things like Barbecue Chicken & Ribs, Macaroni and Cheese to name a few.

I'll leave the baking to sistas like Betty Crocker and Sara Lee.

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!

When I have children, what in the world will they think?

2005-11-23T14:30:00.000-05:00

II Corinthians 5:17 says, "I am a new creature in Christ, old things have passed away, behold all things are made new." Nevertheless, I can't help but to wonder how will I explain my naked angel tattoo to my children and grandchildren one day. That's why its sooo important to be sober, and think before you do things like that. And I have the nerve to have a biblical scripture around my naked woman angel. LOL The devil had me all confused. I was also "attention hungry" and I got what I wanted too. I have to cover up my tat wherever I go, because if I don't I draw crowds of people behind my back gawking or lusting. Back in the day, I thought it was cute. Now I am a 24 year old, minister in training, gospel lyricist/spoken word artist, mentor, and business professional who will always have to be aware of the type of shirt she's wearing to make sure her tat isn't showing. *sigh* I guess when people see it, I just have to turn it into a witnessing tool, and begin to tell them about the goodness of God. How he's delivered me from a lifestyle of perversion, and that tat now serves as a reminder of how far I've come.
Funny, how I have these tats on my body, but now I'm fearful of getting any type of laser surgery. I heard it will hurt. I know, like the tat's didn't! LOL
I guess the children will look at it and laugh saying, "Our mommy was crazy, but we thank God that she isn't anymore!" LOL

Baby are we "Prayer Partners" or What?!

2005-11-16T12:44:00.000-05:00

I’ve been seeing my friend for awhile now, and I know for a fact, that we are only getting to know each other, and that things are taking a serious turn. Its evident in the way he's treating me, our conversations, and his desire to be around me with family. He's even agreed to be with "me" on Thanksgiving instead of his family.

So...Maybe some of my fellow bloggers can comment on this.

Are “titles” important?

I’m asking this, because at my church people make jokes regarding people dating each other saying things like, “Oh, is so and so your new “prayer partner?” But truthfully, is there any title that’s “biblically correct.” I recently asked my brother about a woman he was seeing, and asked him, “Was that his girlfriend?” His reply, “I don’t have girlfriends, no one in the bible had a boyfriend or girlfriend.” Well, he was correct about that. Or, maybe it wasn’t mentioned because knowing if people had titles like that wasn’t relative to our spiritual growth, so it wasn’t put in there. Nevertheless, what is the correct modern day “title” for couples within the body of Christ, who haven’t become fiancée’s or married?? Is there one? My mom says she’s heard people say, “This is my ‘intending’ or ‘prospect’.” What in the world is that?! Sounds like a doggone business agreement to me!

So what are my sweetie and I?! Well it’s very clear that we are interested in each other solely. Yet, neither of us have made mention of a specific title excluding the pet names we call each other.

What I do know is that he is my brother in Christ, until we become one through marriage. However, I can’t help but to wonder does he consider me his “girlfriend” or “prospect.” Lol God knows we are more than “prayer partners.”

Now if I can only get up the nerve to ask him?....*sigh* I don't know where this shy streak came from, but I need to rebuke it in Jesus name! lol I'll keep ya'll posted on what we agree the "pre fiance" title will be, if we even agree on one.

Book of the Week!

2005-11-16T10:21:00.000-05:00

I've decided I would showcase a book of the week. Reading is a hobby of mine, and I am an upcoming author myself. Therefore, its vital that I support other authors whose material I admire.

And remember this nugget: The bible says, "Whatever a man soweth, that shall he reap." This can be translated to, "Whatever you make happen for someone else, the same shall happen for you."

So with that being said...

The book of this week is written by Star Burch. This is an awesome woman of God. When I was going through my time of deliverance, her testimony of triumph inspired me to continue to press towards the mark. For those who struggle with their sexuality, this book will give you direction and biblically based answers. You can find this book on www.Amazon.com.

A Work in Progress

2005-11-15T15:49:00.000-05:00

This past Friday, I attended an Elder from Church’s B-day party. I absolutely LOVE this elder, so I was honored to sow my time and be able to serve at his event.

So why the title, “A Work in Progress??”

Well let me tell you the rest of the story and you’ll see.

My man works for metro, as well as has his own business. (Praise God for entrepreneurship!) His business involves plumbing, water heaters, etc. you know stuff like that…So anyway, I said to my aunt who was at the party with her husband, “What if ‘so and so’ came to the party with his work clothes on looking all dirty? That would be so embarrassing.”

Well ya’ll my little joke came true on Friday. This dude came up in this party (when the attire was dressy casual) in his work clothes. Now his work clothes included a painted up jacket, some not so clean jeans, and a dingy shirt.

*sigh*....It didn’t help that my aunt came by me as I was serving to rub it in, “Ooooh girl, look at your man, I know you are hot he came in here looking like that!” (the enemy was using her I tell you lol)

Now I know what most men have said when I told them this. “Well he is a working man, he didn’t have time to change. etc” This I realize because I inquired about the time he got finished working on the customer’s house. He told me that he did not get finished the house until 30 minutes after the party started, so he just came to the party. Furthermore, I know he rushed to the party without changing, because he wanted to see me as well.

So who is the work in progress?? Well, we both are. He definitely could have planned better, and showed up to the party in the suggested attire. And I am a work in progress, because you know I could lighten up. He’s a successful, hardworking, god-fearing man that just wants to be around me, and get to know me. So why in the world do I feel the need to even mention materialistic things such as “dress” knowing he just came from work? Nowadays you are hard-pressed to find a man that actually works, and has all those wonderful characteristics. And let me not just say work, but strives for success in entrepreneurship as well…

Besides, if we get married (I know that's not speaking in faith) I'll prepare his clothes anyway. We've already discussed it, and he wouldn't mind. :-)Thank you Jesus!

The Words that Set Me Free....

2005-11-11T09:16:00.000-05:00

From time to time, I receive comments on my blog and in my e-mail from fellow bloggers who are dealing with battles that I've FINALLY overcome. Contrary to "worldy" and "popular" belief, everyone who is in the gay lifestyle isn't happy with themselves. Some want to come out, due to their own convictions and experiences. Many pray that what they are doing is right, because what they are doing feels so right, it feels so good to them. Let me submit to you, that everything that "feels" right or "feels" good, isn't neccesarily right in the eyes of God. Example: Fornication is a sin, that feels right to billions of people. Is it right in the eyes of God? No! Yet, since the world "accepts" it, most of our friends and family do it, we see it on TV, so we should just go with it right? Wrong! That's the exact plan of the enemy. He wants us so comfortable with sin, that we say things like, "Why is she tripping, its just sex?" or "We are going to get married anyway, why wait?" We all get sucked into areas of sin, because of those kind of thoughts. However, it wasn't the way God planned for it to be.

Picture this: Man and woman, get married before having sex. Exploring sex with for the FIRST time with each other, never having any other images to compare each other too. Staying within the sanctinty of marriage, loving each other as they were commanded, never going outside of the marriage for the REST OF THEIR LIVES. Bliss!

Reality: This is the exact opposite of what goes on today. People do what they want to do. We yield to the desires of our flesh on a constant basis. The end result in sin= Satan's time for play. He injects diseases into the equation, divorce, chaos, etc. All the opposite of the plan of God, so of course you would get opposite the promises he initially had planned for your life.

So why sell ourselves short? Become free! One of the steps to becoming free?? Simple. Easy. Meditation on the word of God! These are some scriptures and stories I meditated on, and studied, when I wanted to divorce myself from the desires of my flesh:

I Corinthians 6:9-10
Levicticus 18:22
Levicticus 20:13
Romans 1:24-32
Romans 8 (chapter about the consequences of walking after the flesh)
Genesis (all the chapters regarding creation, to meditate on God's purpose for sex)

These are just a few that helped ME become free. It's important that if you are seeking deliverance from something, that you search the word for scriptures pertaining to your own situation, and meditate on those. Know that if by reading the scriptures, or even reading this blog, makes you upset, or feel some type of negative way that, "There is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1...Those that feel condemed do so because the enemy wants you to feel that way. He knows that most people who feel condemed will turn away, and make excuses for themselves. However, the Holy Spirit wants the condemnation to turn into a conviction. Once you feel convicted, God wants you to repent and seek him. I KNOW THIS BLOG MAY BE HARD TO SWALLOW FOR MANY... These were hard facts for me to swallow for a long time. Reading the word of God, when all I felt was conviction for awhile was not easy. Nevertheless, I'm happy I made the changes in my life today. One day, one hour at a time...The chains were broken, and I was set free!

There you have it...Any other questions or comments? E-mail me.

"Affection" As Women, It's desired. Yet, we all desire to receive it differently.

2005-11-10T09:20:00.000-05:00

Meaning...
What may be considered as affection to you, may not be considered as affection to me. This is why it is vital to communicate with your mate your desires, and needs, because ladies He is not a mind reader.

Divyne's Opinion: Men tend to have more of a sexual instinct than women, and affection to them= sex, or sexual touches. What are sexual touches? You know, the grabbing of you and pulling you close, the rubbing, massaging etc. All of those things are fine and dandy. But what are you doing throughout the day to lead up, to me rewarding you later?

Disclaimer: I'm speaking about things I will engage in, during marriage. Currently, I don't engage in any of this because all it does is rile up the flesh, and since I'm practicing celibacy until marriage, we don't need the flesh riled up.

Divyne's Opinion Continued...
Affection to myself and most women I encounter, does not involve all the rubbing, kissing, and groping. If these particular things are done, you'll have your just reward:

Call me for no reason, just to tell me you love me and was thinking of me.
Sending Stargazer/Oriental lilies to my job just because. (not a fan of roses)
Paying attention to my favorite things and having them around at times when you see me. Example: Godiva Chocolates! Yum! Gummi Bears, Jumbo Lump Crabcakes. lol Do you get the picture? I like food and candy!
When YOU go shopping, you think of me enough to bring me back something. I hope this doesn't sound materialistic, but this is what I do when I go shopping and I have a special someone in my life. Its only right to return the favor.
Waking me up, with my coffee in your hands.
Any form of card, expressing your feelings for me.
Calling me "baby", "honey", or even the old ghetto "Dat's my boo" I actually like that term! Queen, princess, Your heiness, you get the point! You'll be my king, or big daddy, or whatever you want to be called in return.
Paying attention to a place I mentioned I'd like to go, and suprising me by taking me there.
Cleaning the house, or cooking dinner every once in awhile to give me a break.

Etc. Etc. I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you all get the point. None of these points involved, anything sexual. However, if these kinds of things are done, then trust me when I say the sexual things that you crave from your "WIFE" will come. She'll bless you exceedingly, and abundantly, on a continuous basis. Communication is the key! Ask her what she likes! Stop getting advice on how to treat her from the locker room and barbershop. Don't assume that she likes what your Ex may have liked. Communicate! I can't emphasize that enough. Give Love and Affection (in non sexual ways) I can't emphasize that enough as well! God intricately designed us to be your "Help Meet." Now if you want us to perform in that aspect to our full potential, cultivate us, and as my pastor would say, "We will cling, climb, and cluster" with you forever.

The Best Witnessing....Comes from your Lifestyle

2005-11-09T15:16:00.000-05:00

People read my blog, and noticed the transitions, but I realized I never pinpointed how I left the gay lifestyle to get to this point. So I'll expound on that today....

I just got off the phone with my favorite cousin. We were so close at one time, people thought we were sisters. If you saw us together, you would think so today. She is three years older than me and at one time I looked up to her. I looked up to her so much, that I wanted to be like her.

Well when I was in high school, she started engaging in homosexual relationships, and began to drift from me. I had a boyfriend, so she didn't feel we had a lot in common. Nevertheless, over the course of HS, I was able to be around her and her friends, and needless to say, curiosity killed the cat.

This led to 7 years of me engaging on and off in the homosexual lifestyle....(Picture is of myself and another woman in 2001)

In 2004, I rededicated my life to Christ, and became filled with the Holy Spirit. It was then, things began to change. It's something about when you have Christ and you sin, guilt and condemnation immediately take place. The things you felt comfortable doing no longer feel good to you. It's almost punishment. Well to make a long story short, that's what happened with me. Everytime I would pick up a bible, the words would speak to me. It was happening so much, that I would try not to read my bible, because I was afraid of what I would discover about myself next.

Did I leave the homosexual lifestyle to go and be with a man? No, because at the time it was still a struggle for me to even feel attracted to a man. I left the lifestyle, because in MY SPIRIT it felt wrong, and I love God so much that I wanted to please him. Sure God loves everyone, but he HATES our sins. (every other sin included) My number one priority became and is until this day, to hear God one day say, "Well done thy good and faithful servant." Hearing those words became more important to me than satisfying any fleshly desires.

So how did the fleshly desires go away??
First, I started renewing my mind with the word of God.

I began to study the bible deeply. I started listening to bible teaching/bible believing ministers of the word, and listened to less music. I guarded my ears from hearing about sexual escapades of friends etc. (that means you may have to cut back some friendships). I changed my atmosphere. No longer could I go where my flesh desired to go, or do what my flesh desired to do. Instead, I began doing things I wanted to do in the past, yet never got around to it, because I was always so consumed in a relationship. I started mentoring, and joined ministry of helps at my church, volunteering etc. I also began to write and make faith confessions. Here is a sample one I wrote here: <http://divyne81.blogspot.com/2005/04/my-daily-confession.html">.

Afterawhile, those desires did in fact dissapear. However, it was a process that only someone who truly wants to please God wholeheartedly, as well as be able to admit that they are walking in sin, will be able to do.

That's the combination to leaving any sinful lifestyle, whether it is drugs, fornication, homosexuality, etc. First you must KNOW, and BELIEVE in your heart it is wrong. Secondly, you must renew your mind with the word of God. You do this by reading your bible, and being in a bible teaching church. Thirdly, you make positive faith confessions. That will internalize this word in your heart, and the manifestations will materialize. But you must have FAITH. That means standing on the promises of God in the word, and believing in your heart that they are manifested in you.

Do I still have friends in the homosexual lifestyle? Yes, I do. Do we hang out as much and are as close? Naturally no because we are doing different things, and the bible commands me to not be unequally yoked. However, I still love them the same. And its important for people to witness your lifestyle, and your love walk with Christ themselves. I am still fairly close with the cousin I once looked up too. Do I go out to clubs with her and hang out? No, but I will still hold conversations, and go to dinner with her, and talk. But this is what I don't do. I don't criticize or condemn. What I will do is tell them what the word of God says about their sin. I know that I cannot change anyone, but it is the Holy Spirit who changes individuals, not a person. We can speak truth by giving them the word of God without condemning. My mom sure couldn't change me. Nevertheless, that Holy Spirit power of God did.

Today, my lifestyle is one of complete joy. I long for my friends and family in the lifestyle to experience this same kind of peace. That everlasting peace, that comes from knowing Jesus as lord, and abiding by his word. I pray that they will know its possible from seeing my lifestyle today. I tear up as I type this blog, because I never realized or believed that I could be this happy. When I left the gay lifestyle, I left what most would call, an awesome relationship. I was taken care of, and well too. Yet, God has restored what I felt at the time was a loss, and he's restored it in abundance. So my coming to Christ wasn't a result of me being hurt. It was a result of my sincere desire to please God, beacause as much as I tried to deny it, I knew the truth.

And it was that truth, in the word of God that set me free.

Hail to the Redskins!!!! Redskins 17 Philly 10

2005-11-08T16:36:00.000-05:00

Hail to the Redskins!!!!

I went to my first NFL game Sunday night with my honey and his cousin. And, today I’m officially crazy about football. I could watch football before, but ladies if you haven’t experienced a live NFL game, then you haven’t experienced football. The energy is far greater than any college or high school game I attended. And I’m convinced Redskins fans are crazy. Especially the white ones…and that’s not a racist comment, it’s a fact. Society expects blacks, and Hispanics to act like fools wherever they go. Nevertheless, its evident just by attending an NFL game that White people have us beat. White People + Budweiser/Football= Pure Stupidity. Philly fans were getting into fights with the Redskins fans just because they were cheering their team on, and downing the redskins. What happened to “It’s just a game!?” I must admit it was fun to watch though. Lol The only true downside for me, was the drunk white man sitting behind me that grabbed me and kissed my cheek, when the redskins made the winning play, when my baby wasn’t looking. I didn’t want to tell him what happened, because I’m sure it would have put a damper on the victory dance he was doing with his cousin. So I sucked it up, wiped my face, and continued to enjoy the victory.

Other things worth mentioning:
I couldn’t help but to feel a tad bit envious of those Redskinettes. Darnit! I was supposed to be one! :-(. They looked like they were having a ball performing, and looked gorgeous. Well, maybe I’ll dust myself off and try again next year. I can fit that into everything else I’m doing. Wait a minute! Who am I fooling! I’ll pass. I don’t have time for that. I even go the bathroom with either a book in hand to study, a pad to write thoughts, poetry, and lyrics, a tape recorder to record inspiration, and a phone. TMI?? I know. Truthfully, maybe it isn't the will of God for "my" life to be dancing around in short shorts having men all over the world gawk over me. *sigh*.... Plus I'd have to lose the butt, that's growing back on me, and put socks under my breast since I'm not packing nothing in that area. (Yes, they do that. I've seen it with my own eyes during the tryouts earlier this year. Now shhh! I don't want to get beat up by a cheerleader) Oh well, I guess I'll save the dancing in short shorts for my husband.

Vultures??....Yes Girl Even at Church!

2005-11-04T10:06:00.000-05:00

Now men would start paying me a lot of attention once I begin getting to know someone. That's just like the enemy, to try and take your focus off the prize, God's already given you.

Here are two men I want to discuss today:

Man #1- Brova Man- Brova man is one of those dudes, with the big belly that talks about how good he cooks, and how wants to cook for you one day. This guy makes it a point, to explain why he has 2 kids, and isn't married, while bashing his baby mother in conversation. I guess he thinks I care about the fact that he has kids and not married. I guess he thinks it will make him more attractive if he bashes his baby mother around me, so then I will think, "Oh so that's why you aren't together, its' ALL HER fault." Yeah right! Brova man, also tries to impress me, by attempting to upstage me in conversation. Example: Me: Oh I'm reading this book by Frederick KC Price that is blessing my life, if you want to read it I'll lend it to you. Brova man: Oh that's okay, I just finished reading all these Creflo Dollar books, and now I'm on TD Jakes series.

Okay no one asked you about ALL the spiritual books you are reading, no you aren't interested in the book would have sufficed. Super spiritual brova man, get some WORD from those books, and stop talking about your Baby Mother behind her back, and start uplifting her the way Christ would. I'm not impressed...Next!

Man #2-Pretty Ricky- LOL @ the old Al B. Sure photo. Y'all know that was the pretty boy of the early 90's! Okay, well lets call Pretty Ricky, PR for short. PR is fine! When I first saw him, I was around the guy that I'm seeing and couldn't take my eyes off of him. One of the first things I asked PR was, "Do you get facials? Your skin is so smooth!" Not to my surprise, he does. In fact, he gets manicures, wears Armani, has the nice goatee, and just all around fly. Nevertheless, although he got cool points for walking me out of church yesterday, and running to open my car door before I could get to it, I could NEVER date him seriously. I could see us now arguing over moisturizer or bathroom time. Arguing over who is going to be able to look in the full length mirror now. To be quite honest, I don't want a man who has potential for stealing my spotlight. (although that's hard to do) Its not that I'm insecure either, but a man that's too pretty was NEVER my style. I need you to be slightly rough around the edges.

But this conversation we had last night, really validated why I would never marry a pretty boy.
Me: You know, I can see myself one day being a stay at home mom. I wouldn't mind taking care of the house and kids, while my husband works. I could be a soccor mom, driving the new R class Benz. PR: I can see myself being a stay at home dad, after my wife has the babies, I have her go to work, while I stay at home and watch the kids, and tend to the cars. I can be a soccer dad.

Right then and there we butt heads! This dude is so much like me, we'd fight like sisters! Believe it or not, he's just has strong metrosexual ways...he's very straight.
One more deal breaker: He loves the Dallas Cowboys. Yikes!

You know, the guy I'm currently seeing is far from perfect. Nevertheless, I'm at peace in dealing with him. He just fits. Now the men at church are going to come, just like the men at a club...but I've got a handle on it. My friend and I haven't become "exclusive" or started taking communication labs, but I know its coming. I can't wait to see the wide mouth surprised expressions on everyone's face when they find out we are seeing each other. My man is a little rough around the edges how I like him, and instead of just being knowledgeable in quoting scripture, he lives the word of God. So the vultures can keep coming, and I'll continue to shoot them down.

50 Cent Doesn't Get It...How Many Others Don't?

2005-11-02T17:00:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article online today about 50 cents comments to what Kanye West said about George Bush not caring about black people, in regards to Hurricaine Katrina. He also gave his "50 cents" to say that Hurricaine Katrina was an "act of God." Hmmm...Everyone has their opinions and thoughts in regards to this. So, what are my thoughts? Well, I took the biblical route of course, and studied disasters in the bible. Now if Katrina was an "act of God" why were some righteous people killed? Surely, there were more than one, two, or 100 people in Louisiana and Mississippi who could be declared righteous. Anytime, God did his thing in the bible, only the wicked were killed, and the righteous were saved. Don't agree?? Here are 3 accounts on "God's Vengance" you can check out for yourself: Sodom and Gommorah (Lot, and his family were saved before God blew up that place.), Noah's Ark (Noah's entire family was spared), Moses (An entire Egyptian army was killed in the red sea, the Israelites were spared), etc. etc.

Now I have another point to make, and then I'll close. Whenever, God has taken a righteous individual, he has taken them alive. Don't agree?? Check out how Elijah went. Or Enoch as well.

Satan is the ruler of this world, so he has free reign to make crazy things happen. "I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming, and he has nothing in me." (John 14:30) If you check your bible you will see that this is Jesus talking. In, II Co 4:4 Paul calls Satan, the God of this age. That's why as believers, we need to be girded up with the word of God and walk in Faith because that is what allows us to overcome the world. Jesus warns us in John 16:33, "These things I have spoken unto you that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be off good cheer; I have overcome the world." Since Satan is the God of this world, Jesus warns us that we will experience tribulation. However, if we are in Christ, we have overcome the world, because he has overcome the world. Our battles are already, won. Wanna know one of our jobs as believers? Its simple. We need to pray. Not enough believers are praying BEFORE disasters happen. We wait until the Katrina's are formed, and then we get down on our knees, and start petitioning for help. What about now? When the storms are non- existent, and the waves are calm.

God cares for his children, we are deemed righteous in his eyes, and he wants all good things for us. Now if God was making all these negative things come to pass, then I don't want to go to heaven. I"ll pass.

Letting the Guards Down....Maybe its the cold weather, maybe its just time, maybe I'm just beginning to love...

2005-11-01T12:10:00.000-05:00

{Notice I use "beginning" instead of "falling"...The term "falling in love" just seems blind to me, I see exactly what's happening, love has always been a choice to me, and I see myself choosing to love him.}

As I was reading my girl IntricateEssence's post today, regarding letting her guard down, I became inspired. I have been known to have guards up, near brick, no steel walls especially when it comes to men. I haven't dealt seriously with that many men in my life, with the exception of my High School boyfriend Terry...well how serious could we have been in HS, so basically I haven't had any serious feelings for a man....EVER. In all of my years, I never have disclosed my innermost parts to man. So why do I see myself doing it so easily now? What is it about this man that makes me do things like stay up until 2am (on a work night)talking to him, lying to myself saying that I am not tired, because I don't want our conversations to end? What is it about this man, that makes me feel like I need to include him on my business matters i.e. I've recently began reviewing a recording contract, and I won't sign until he goes over it with me first? What is it about this man, that we've shared each others credit scores with each other?What is it about this man, that makes me feel I can be my ghetto/classy self without recompense?

This man can take me to 7-11 to get a big bite and some nachos, and as long as I am spending time with him, I am cool. I feel like I don't need anything else. (He's Silly as Heck too!) I'd take that over an Oceanaire dinner, with another person, any day.

That's not even the half. I just texted him, my new office number, and told him he can call me ANYTIME. That's so not like me, to extend an offer like that to a man; I'm usually afraid they will be pests. Yet, with him, I almost want him to be. And this takes the cake...He's invited for Thanksgiving dinner with my family, and get this...he WANTS to be there.

Have I let MY guard down?....Honey, I think the gates are being destroyed as we speak.

Here's a Little Something for you to Copy & Paste

2005-10-31T12:01:00.000-05:00

1. First name? Divyne or J. Lucy

2. Were you named after anyone? Great Grandma

3. When did you last cry? Last month when my uncle passed

4. Do you like your handwriting? No, its horrible.

5. What is your favorite lunch meat? I don't have one.

6. What is your birth date? 10/03.

7. What is your most embarrassing CD? hmm, it has to be Lil Wayne (I gave that one away though)…

8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Definitely, loyalty is VERY important to me. So I would love to have a loyal friend.

9. Do you have a journal? Yep, this blog.

10. Do you use sarcasm a lot? When I'm menstruating, my attitude tends to change, and here comes the sarcasm...was that TMI?

11. What are your nicknames? Divyne, J. Lucy

12. Would you bungee jump? yep, no fear!

13. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? It's rare that I wear shoes w/ laces, so I'm not really sure how I do it.

14. Do you think that you are strong? How can I not be, when the Lord is my strength?!

15. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Chunky Monkey, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

16. Red or pink? both

17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? Hmm, my tendency to be sensitive.

18. Who do you miss most? My Best Friend Kendra, I still miss her...

19. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it Back? Why Not…

20. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Black slacks, w/ black shoes

21. What are you listening to right now? me typing on the keyboard

22. Last thing you ate? A PB&J

23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Pink

24. What is the weather like right now? Sunny and Cool

25. Last person you talked to on the phone? My Honey

26. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Build/Height, Teeth

27. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Of course, Well I took it from IntricateEssences...she's the greatest!

28. Favorite drink? Vitamin Water and Cranberry Juice

29. Favorite sport? Basketball, Boxing, Track and Field, and I love to play flag football

30. Hair color? brown

31. Eye color? Brown

32. Contacts? Nope

33. Favorite food? Seafood

34. Last movie you watched? Rayful Edmonds DVD (very interesting...)

35. Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving! hey I love to eat, and I love family.

36. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy Endings

37. Summer or winter? Neither, Fall

38. Hugs or kisses? both, from my future husband

39. What is your favorite dessert? My Banana Pudding w/ vanilla wafers and cool whip

40. Who is most likely to respond? Good question

41. Who is least likely to respond? Another good question

42. Living arrangements? Mi, Mi madra, y Papa, But guess whose looking for property next year?? :-)

43. What books are you reading? How Faith Works by Frederick KC Price, and The Bible

44. What's on your mouse pad? Nothing

45. What did you watch last night on TV? I didn't watch TV, I spend time w/ God and wrote.

46. Favorite smells? Jean Paul on a man, or summer rain, and powdery fresh smells

47. Favorite sounds? Rain

48. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Stones

49. What's the farthest you've been from home? Cayman Islands

50. Do you have a special talent? lyricist

Here's a bonus question: What would you like people to remember you by? I would like people to remember me as a giver, a Virtuous Woman of God, who loved everyone, and was passionate about Kingdom Business.
This Is My Life, Rated
Life: 7.6
Mind: 6.7
Body: 8.2
Spirit: 7.5
Friends/Family: 4.7
Love: 7.7
Finance: 6.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

My First Time...

2005-10-31T10:59:00.000-05:00

Friday night was incredible. I am truly in love, as the floodgates were opened. There were chills up my spine as Holy Spirit and I intertwined.

Hmm…what did you think I was talking about? :-)

Friday night, I was honored to have the opportunity to perform some spoken word, and minister at a church in Brooklyn, NY. I have to say that like Jeremiah, Balaam, or several others in the bible, I experienced the supernatural presence of God as I spoke. God literally put the words in my mouth, and Divyne was decreased as Holy Spirit increased.

I prayed that the people received a word from God as I spoke, and I am walking in faith that they did. I prayed that they were influenced, and encouraged in their faith as they left church that night. I am grateful to ENS records for allowing me this opportunity, believing in me, and allowing me to be cultivated by other talented and anointed Gospel artists. To God be the Glory!

Tonight, I perform at a church in my own hometown, right in SE, DC. I will actually be spitting with another artist on a track we recorded a couple of weeks ago. Divyne a lyricist? Now You KNOW that’s God! Lol I’ll keep ya’ll posted on that in the months to come…Anyway, as we crossed state lines on Friday for “purpose”, we enter into this church tonight for “purpose.” That purpose is to draw people to Christ. As a disciple for Christ, as believers, the bible commands us to spread the Gospel. Each individual just needs to seek Holy Spirit to find their niche in “how” to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ and just do it!

I was created to do this…Spreading the Gospel is my life.

" And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father. 60 Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God. 61 And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house. 62 And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. " Luke 9:59-62 KJV

Busting Out! Ha!

2005-10-27T16:31:00.000-04:00

Don't be distracted by the greasy, shiny face look. Ugh...I can't stand it either...Anyway, back to my happiness, there has been a slight downside. I've been gaining weight. And its not that gaining weight is bad for me (it actually looks quite nice), its just I am busting out of some of my favorite clothes.

Case in point, I took this photo 3 months ago, and now these same Joie jeans (I say the brand to emphasize how I waisted my money, should have bought some Levi's), cannot come up past my thigh! That just burns me up... You know its time to throw jeans out when your belt loop tears. *sigh* (this is a bad one).

Well since we can believe God for everything else, I'm believing God for a new wardrobe. I like the extra pounds on me...Heck, I was only 5'5 110lbs anyway, I can stand to gain...but sheesh, anyone want to SOW a new Wardrobe into my life?!! Just kidding! I don't have to solicit for clothes on my blog....Like everything else, God has it covered....

Anyone want a size 25/26 cargo Joie Jean, with a slight belt loop tear?

No More Drama=Not As Entertaining

2005-10-27T10:07:00.000-04:00

In short…I know ya’ll are probably tired of hearing about how happy I am. People tend to enjoy hearing about drama and problems more than anything. Hence, the downward spiral of Mary J. Blige’s career. Lol When all she wanted to do was to be happy, she was the number one in the industry. Now she’s saved, and loving life, and she barely makes the charts.

Oh well, I wouldn’t change my life for the world. Don’t get me wrong. Everything is not perfect to the natural eye. But if you start focusing on seeking the Kingdom before anything else, then the bible is correct in Matthew 6:33, when he says, “All other things shall be added unto you.” That includes peace, prosperity, joy, etc… Because I rest in the promises of God, when bills come to my house that seem like I can’t pay, when I feel my body getting sick, when someone pisses me off, instead of worrying, and wavering in faith, I count it all joy! How do I count it all joy?! When you are abiding in the word of God, there really is no reason not to be happy, because you KNOW you qualify for the blessings.

Since I’ve focused my eyes on Kingdom business, I’ve landed a career of choice and not just another “job”, my spoken word/lyricist career is beginning (my first performance at a church in Brooklyn this Friday), I’ve gained Godly friends to replace the ones who decided to take a step back from me when I accepted Christ fully, started attending bible school (Divyne? Bible School? Get Outta Here!), etc. etc. The list goes on! I can’t forget about my new sweetie….*sigh* He keeps me laughing, with his silly demeanor, yet keeps me on my toes, with his knowledge of the word of God, and he’s 6’3 with a nice build…Did I mention he looks sooo good in a suit? I love a man who can look nice in a suit. I think someone mentioned to him that the “bowtie” thing was bammerish (Is that a Word?), because I haven’t seen it in some months, Thank God! Yes the first time I ever saw him, I was like, “Oh Spirit of Faith Christian Center is blowing up. We are bringing the Islam men in here to worship too!” lol Praise God, he’s got his style in order, because I haven’t seen the bowtie since May. Look I’m not superficial or materialistic, but hey if I’m fashionable, my man can’t look like he should be selling Final Calls on Benning Road!

That’s MY Baby though... :-)

As I sit back and praise God for all of his goodness, I wonder, “Can it get any better than this?” And God lets me know, “Of course it can, and it will.” I have yet to purchase my first home, get married, have children, or even publish my first book, record my first CD, preach my first sermon, or experience “Loving” a man while living a holy life….

No drama here, so for some, I am BORING now. However, if you aren't able to truly rejoice with others, without feeling a tidbit of envy, then its time to do some self-examination. To be quite honest, I prefer to read blogs with good reports, testimonies, life overcoming victories, or humorous stories. I can get bad reports, and see the evidence of unhappiness, in the media or just by walking the streets of DC.

Deep sigh...

2005-10-18T23:08:00.000-04:00

*sigh*....This sigh is a good one, trust me. It's that sigh you get, when you are in the middle of working, and your mind drifts to that new person in your life, that makes you smile. :-) I can see you now, "Ooooh THAT sigh." Yes it's THAT sigh, That's the sigh I've been unconciously doing a lot lately.

It's even taking me an extra long time to write this because my mind keeps drifting back to....Him...That's right, I said Him...and it feels good...(inside joke to those who've kept up my blog and know where I came from)

The first time I noticed him staring was on Mother's Day in church. My first thoughts were, "Daag, can I pay attention to what Pastor is saying without this dude up in my grill?!" lol I started to dig up my nose, to get him to stop staring. Besides, I wasn't interested in anything but the Word of God, what people are supposed to be interested in when going to church. Then God decided to bless me with a dream. This particular man was in it, teaching me the word of God, and then he covered me with a blanket. Confused about what this vision actually meant, I sought my mom for some guidance. Her response: "Well the bible says the husband is supposed to lead his wife into all truth. He was doing that by showing you and teaching you things in the word. And the husband shall serve as the covering or the head, and the covering of you with a blanket, could be symbolic of that." Hmmm, instead of getting me excited, this dream kind of freaked me out, and made me even more uncomfortable about him. So, I began to seek God on the situation even further, and the answer I got, was to pray for him. So that I did. I began to pray that this man, always seeks the Kingdom of God and its righteousness. That he is constantly growing in the things of God. As I began to do that, a peace came over me. Nevertheless, the staring continued...Until one day he had the chance to approach me. Instead of being nervous, peace reigned in my spirit, so I decided to get to know this man.

To my surprise, although he stares "a lot", he's not weird. In fact, we are a lot alike. I am enjoying the "getting to know" him process. I feel like a kid all over again. It's like I cannot stop talking about my "new friend". For once in my life, I don't feel rushed, but I'm enjoying the development of a "friendship." I mean, we can go out, and chill, and he doesn't feel like he needs to grope, hug, or kiss all over me. Yuck!...(Excuse me, a thought about my past just came up, time to confess that my concious is purged by the Blood of Jesus). Anyway, we can talk about marriage, without him thinking I'm trying to put a gun to his head, and make him go buy a ring, and propose. When I'm going through a crisis of some sort, or need advice, or guidance, he can bring me back to my reality, which is the Word of God, instead of saying dumb comments like, "Dag, that's messed up" or "I don't know what to tell you, shawty you are on your own." Yes I've even heard that one before! And although this man, is a minister of the word, he's not what I like to call a, "punk Christian." We definitely come from similar backgrounds, and although he's a Christian, no so-called self-proclaimed thug, could punk him. I can't even punk him! (yes I've ran over some men in my non-saved days) He knows about my past dealings with women, and does not feel threatened by it, or insecure. He truly understands that I am a new creature according to II Co. 5:17, because he is no longer his old self. This man is taking the time to actually understand my personality, likes, dislikes, and even the things I'm trying to improve upon. He's interested in the whole woman, and not just the appearance. He wants children and loves children. He's financially secure, stable, and understands his role as a man, to serve as my covering, and me as a help meet, the way God created us to be. He doesn't cringe when he hears my standards, instead he stands in agreement, and has similar standards. (One of them being the fact, that I REFUSE to kiss until the sealing of the covenant on my Wedding Day). And he hasn't run away! lol I don't "speak" on this much in front of others, due to my issues of trust I'm battling. (That's an entirely different blog) Nevertheless, I praise God for freedom of speech through Blogs, where the majority of folks who read, don't know me anyway. So I'll let ya'll in on a little secret. For the very FIRST time, God confirmed it in my spirit as it relates to this man, his role in my life in the present and in the future...and I KNOW, he isn't going anywhere...And to be quite honest, I don't want him too...

Divyne

Committment Phobe?? Could I be??

2005-10-12T10:25:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I received the offer letter for this position. And to my dismay, they are not offering me the amount of money I requested, in fact, its quite a jump from what I requested. :-( On the upside, this position would allow me to break away from the "admin, exec asst" roles I have grown to hate so much, and I would have an opportunity to learn about something that actually interests me. See, I sort of settled for these admin asst. positions, because I thought that was all I could qualify for, having not finished my degree. Nevertheless, being a child of the most high, I don't have to settle for less because society doesn't promote me, God does. (thank God for this revelation)

So last night, I prayed, and prayed, and asked God for revelation, spiritual understanding, and wisdom on whether or not I should take this position. And boy, did God show ME some things. Not really to my suprise, he pointed the finger back at ME. One of the things I've been believing God for is a new career. The holy spirit brought me to the parable of the men w/ the talents. I'm not about to go through the entire parable, check it out in the book of Matthew for yourself. Anyway, the moral of this parable was, "If you are faithful over the little, God will make you faithful over the much." Now I haven't had any issues with being faithful as far as my giving goes. However, I haven't been as faithful to some of these positions I've held, as I should have been, being a child of God. Looking over my past, as soon as those waves, and winds began to hit, I became like that double-minded man James speaks about in his first chapter. Then, all of the times I wasn't committed to something began to play in my mind. It was like someone was flipping the chapters of a DVD player in my head. That's it! A light bulb went off in my head as I realized, this was bigger than me not receiving the salary I requested up front, this is about my committment or lack thereof.

And get this God is so good, that he even revealed to me the reason why I had this committment phobia.

And guess what?? It's an EGO thing. During my school years, I've always been one of the best students. I was always the most bragged about child, and grandchild for my achievements in various things. I always strived for perfection, which wasn't a bad thing at all. However, as soon as I felt I wasn't going to shine in something, as soon as things around me began to fail, or it wasn't what I thought it would be, I began to plan my exit.

It almost happened when I tried out for the Redskinettes. During prep class, it was painfully obvious that I had NO jazz, or ballet experience during certain drills. So I told my cousin, there was NO way I was going to try out and embarrass my self. Tiffany, began to plead with me to continue on with the tryouts, and convinced me to have fun with it. So reluctantly I did. Then, it was time for the tryouts. As I was sitting in my stylists chair, and my cousin was waiting for me, I was still planning a way out. Tiffany did my makeup, I put on the sexy dance outfit, looked in the mirror, and almost cried. My first thoughts were, "Wow!" I had never looked that Hot in my life!...I mean, I really felt like I was on the level of the Redskinettes or Dallas Cowboy dancer already. Immediately my confidence level, broke the barometer, and I convinced myself, that I may have a chance in this afterall. So I went there, and gave it my all. Although, I didn't make the team, I made it to a final stage, without having all that dance experience.

The bottom line is, I followed through with the committment, and ended up having a wonderful experience, I would not trade for the world. Even when things looked bad, and I didn't look like the "shining star" I stayed committed.

There are many things that I am entering into, that require unwavering committment, and this is why God is exposing my downfalls in that area. Within the past year, I've answered a call to ministry, and started working with an up and coming record label. These are things that without a shadow of doubt, I KNOW, I'm supposed to be doing. Yet, with my history of dropping things when they haven't went according to plan, God has to make sure he tightens me up in these areas. He knows that there will be waves in ministry, there will be waves in any area of employment I go into. What I've learned through this exposure, is that its time for me to exert the power of God in these situations. As Christine Kane would put it, "A lack of committment is a potential dream destroyer." God has also revealed to me, that I would in fact get married one day. Lord knows, I doubted that one before. lol So you can see how this exposure of not being committed, will not only help me in my career, and call to ministry, but I believe he is preparing me for being committed to my marriage as well.

So with that being said, I'm not worried about the lack of money thereof. I know the wealth of the wicked, will transfer itself into my hands anyway, because of my desire to finance the Kingdom of God. Since August 2004 my salary has increased about 15 or 16 thousand dollars. But now God wants to see me committ to something before promoting me even further. He wants me to back my talk up with some action. God talks to me like one of my girlfriends, and he basically said, "I know you don't want to be a punk Christian, so start showing these people in your workplace, how true Christians are in the world. You've beared fruit in other areas, let's see your annointing in this area." How many of you know when God gives you a word, you just better, shut up, listen and obey.

So...its time to pass the tests and be committed. God will promote me regardless, as long as I remain faithful and abide under his Word...And since praise precedes victory, I can already give God the glory, honor, and praise for not only opening the door for me to do and learn about something I enjoy, but for having a chance to earn my promotions for once by being committed, since the salary increases the past year and a half have been handed to me.

Committment phobe??...I am no longer...

Today's Faith Victory!

2005-10-11T14:55:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to share with you all a "faith" victory for me today!
As most of you know I've been out of the job market for quite sometime. After being laid off in May, I've been contracting, and job hunting, searching for the right fit.

Well to make a long story short, today I had an interview for a Project.Mgr. position. And let me tell you, it was Awesome! Nothing but the Holy Spirit speaking because I can't tell you what I was saying. lol

Afterwards, the woman said, "I'm going to be frank with you, you are not qualified for this position. But, I'm confident in your "learning curve," you are also a people person, and I'm interested in you. Can you fill out this application? and We'll be in touch."

As I was feeling out the application, the HR lady comes in to say when I'm done, the CEO would like to speak with me. I'm thinking Hmmm....well I've already met him, maybe he forgot to ask me something. So when he speaks with me, he notes that what he thought my salary requirement was, I've requested 10,000 dollars more. And he says, "Hmmm that's a lot of money."

In my head, I'm like hmmm...you aren't going to get me to agree with you, I'm negotiable, but not THAT negotiable, I know what God told me!....

So then the CEO asks me about my availability, and says that he will get an offer letter out to me today! So...he didn't tell me what they would offer me, but I'm praising God for significant increase from what I was making...since we do know that Praise precedes the Victory!....Trust, that little comment he made regarding what I was asking for did not phase me. lol

Although the job is in Springfield again, its close the the Metro, so I would have the option to catch the train or drive...Praise God!...And because I would be involved in this particular project from Ground up, there's substantial opportunity for growth (a big plus for me) into fields that my English background has prepared me for...
There's Tuition Assistance (so I can finish my English degree, something else I've been praying for). Since I don't have any project mgr. experience, of course I would basically be under another manager, as sort of an apprentice while I'm learning the game...

Out of ALL the positions I've interviewed for, this is the only one that hasn't made me jump through hoops of several interviews, testing, etc. They didn't even check references before the CEO told me he would extend me an offer.

The bottom line is....Degrees are Awesome, and I would never discount the value of a good education. Nevertheless, the Favor of God is Greater!.

What God has for US is OURS despite what the outside may seem. I know us SOFCC people, know this already because of the Spirit of Faith we have in us already....But shoot...I'm excited, so ya'll gotta hear my story anyway! lol
So I say all this to reiterate the goodness of the God we serve!

PS-On top of ALL that, I'm seeing a mighty MAN of valor, who I am enjoying getting to know, who VALUES my holiness, and supports me in everything I'm into. :-) God is soo Awesome!...I'm not saying anything to brag, but to get people to understand, that what he does for me, he will do for you. God is NO respecter of persons! Just abide under his shadow, which is the word of God, and see the power of God move in your life!

Love ya'll,

Divyne

--Designed with a purpose- Created for a plan- Fastened for his glory Pleasing the Son of Man -

This will not Break My Spirit

2005-09-15T13:34:00.000-04:00

But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

I believed God for my uncle's healing, I confessed this scripture along w/ several others. I know God is a healer, a redeemer, a comforter.

Nevertheless, my uncle passed yesterday.

Satan wants my faith to waiver in the power of healing, the power of Jesus Christ...

But he lost that game!...I'm already his. The blood bought, blood washed, child of the most high.

And I WILL live by faith...because I am one of his righteousness. As was my uncle...And he is with the Lord now, in peace.

I'll miss you Uncle Tommy....Thanks for being that second father figure to me when I needed it. That meant the world to me.

I love you...

Peace and Blessings

Divyne

Proverbs 31 Woman...Dedicated to My Mommy...

2005-08-30T12:35:00.000-04:00

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “ Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31 Woman

A year ago today, I started this blogger dedicating the first entry to my mother. In that entry titled, "An Angel was Born" I described ways that she affected my life, and how thankful I am to have her.

I used the Proverbs 31 passage, because I have seen first hand these characteristics in my mother. So please if you haven't read the entire chapter be sure to do so. It will bless your life. For the women it will show you WHO you are, and what VALUE you have, and for the men it will show you WHAT to look for, and HOW to obtain that Proverbs 31 woman in your life.

You learn from example. And if you don't have a Proverbs 31 one women in your life to emulate. Learn from reading the passage itself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! I LOVE YOU!!!

Peace and Blessings...

Divyne

Joy Divided By The Lord Equals Eternal Happiness!

2005-08-12T09:33:00.000-04:00

"The joy of the Lord is your strength."—Nehemiah 8:10.

Its been a year since I've started this blogging thing, and over the course of the year this scripture has been one of the most profound revelations in my life.

People wonder what's the secret behind my joy ... the answer is simple, and its none other than my man Jesus Christ!

See, I have this joy because I stopped depending on people to give me joy and started looking towards God. No relationship, no drug, no friendship, no family member, no party, no earthly thing could fill the void I've experienced all of my life.

None of those things were capable of bringing me true, everlasting, joy.

That is...Until I turned to Jesus...and let me be specific...when I turned my whole self towards him, and wasn't straddling the fence...Because anyone whose straddled that fence before, knows how tiring it will get afterawhile. Just think of how you feel working 2 full time jobs...well that's how tiring serving two masters can be.

So......

If God isn't the number one source of your joy, then you will never be truly happy. That relationship will make you happy for a moment, even a few years, but if you don't have the love of God in your heart, with the joy of the Lord in your spirit, then that superficial happiness, is exactly that...superficial...

Joy/Lord=Eternal Happiness...Dividing Joy into the Lord is the formula for eternal happiness, and completion is simple. Just write this equation in your heart, and people will be coming up to you saying things like, "Why are you always so happy?" or "What's going on in your life, that keeps you smiling all the time?" Your joy is an effective witness tool to explain to others the mercy, and goodness that God is bringing into your life.

So...with that being said, study the equation.

LOVE....The TRUE Definition

2005-07-25T08:59:00.000-04:00

He who does not love, does not know God, for God is love. IJohn 4:8

This is a scripture that I got tattooed on my back over a year ago, during my wild days. How ironic? LOL However, when I got this tattoo I had no idea what love was. Society tends to base love on some butterfly feeling, chills up your spine, nice or lustful thoughts about a person 24/7, but this is exactly the opposite of what love is. Love is not an emotion! The bible defines love as God. God is love! So with that being said, any action displayed against the word of God is not love, it is something else.

Let me give you a clear understanding of love. To understand love, we must first dissect how God displays love to us, since in fact the bible says he is love. God first shows his love towards us in the act of giving his all. God gave his everything, his only son, in an act of love towards us. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him shall not parish but have everlasting life." John 3:16 If we aren't giving our all, our whole heart, then the action we are displaying is not love.

In I Corinthians chapter 13, Paul teaches the church of Corinth the characteristics of love. These are characteristics of God, and other ways he displays love towards us. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8Love never fails." I Corinthians 13:4-8 This scripture doesn't say love isn't kind when you are upset at someone. It doesn't say its okay to think negative thoughts about a person when they've done something wrong to me. For love thinks NO evil! Love is kind! Love endures All things! Not some things, but All things!

Let me submit to you, that this is the way that Christ loves us! He loves us despite our shortcomings, despite the fact that it may take years, and years for us to come to him, even despite our tendencies to walk in the flesh. He loves us so much that he's given us his most prized possession, his son!

Ladies and gentleman, don't be fooled by people who throw that word around loosely. Understand this, God is love, and we all know that anything of God is in fact considered holy, because he is holy. Merriam Webster give us two definitions of holy I want to use:

1 : exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness

2 : DIVINE

So...with these things in mind ask yourself some real questions. Be real with yourself, because you will save yourself from a lot of heartache later on. Is my relationship HOLY and glorifying God? Hmm if God is in fact love, do I treat this person as Paul describes in I Corinthians 13?

I had to ask myself these questions at one time. If someone wants to fornicate with you, they DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT truly love you the way God intended for you to be loved. They might feel a strong attraction, and they might care for you, but if they truly loved you, they would honor your holiness, and want you to remain pure before God. If they loved God more than they so-called loved you then they would not want to disappoint God by doing something against his will.

So if your relationship is based on sin, there is no true love there. God and love are related. But God, love, and sinful relations simply don't mix. God cannot be present where there is sin involved, that's why we accept Jesus first, so he can reconcile us to God. So when that relationship is going sour why pray to God for restoration? Do you realize how crazy that sounds? Why would God bless something that is forbidden several times in his word? It's not in his order. So don't get mad at God if your prayers aren't answered. Start obeying his word and then you'll see the blessings.

Once you truly understand God's love then and only then will you feel complete. Relationships not based on God's love will always leave you dissatisfied, looking for more, alone, or empty in the long run. If you decide to get into a relationship remember that the relationship needs to symbolize and be reflected of Christ love for us, in order for it to last. Both parties must love God more than they love the relationship. Because they love God, they will honor you as God would want them to, and truly love you according to 1 Corinthians 13. That Christ like love, is the love that will always fulfill you, leaving you satisfied, and glorified.

Studying to Show YOURSELF Approved!

2005-07-20T09:31:00.000-04:00

Be dilligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. II Timothy 2:15

As a student of the bible, this scripture becomes highly important. Have you ever heard a minister, pastor, friend, or family member state something that "sounds good" but in your spirit rings an alarm? I submit to you, that, the "alarmed" feeling is the Holy Spirit. And although what they are saying may sound right, search for the correct answer in the word yourself. This goes for everyone, including your pastors and preachers. Of course we are supposed to honor our man or woman of God at our churches, but that doesn't mean that after we are given the lesson that we just sit back and accept it. It is imperative that we read the scriptural references for ourselves, study and THEN totally come in agreement. As a true student of the word of God, it isn't enough to just "listen" and "accept" anything someone says to you. How do you think so many people are led astray? The bible says in Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge." This is exactly what's manifesting today. People aren't searching the word of God for themselves, and there are a lot of misinformed individuals. People are just going along with the "traditions" of religion, leaving out just going with God.

The bible states in John 1:1 "In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the word was God." Knowing this we understand that the bible ie Word of God is established, and that this word is God, and comes straight from him. With that being said, don't allow any teacher, preacher, evangelist, friend, foe, or family member tell you something pertaining to this very sacred book without researching for yourself. Get out of the habit of just agreeing with the traditional statements made in church, or in old gospel songs, and get with the word of God. (old preacher's tone) "He may not come when you want him, haaa but he'll come on time haaa." Now this may sound great when a hooping preacher says that. But the bible says in Matthew 28:20 "I am with you always, even to the end of time." So the individual who doesn't study to show themselves approved, will believe that Jesus may not come when you want him. When the bible says he is with us ALWAYS....not sometimes, not when he feels like it, but ALWAYS till the end of time.

With that being said, I urge you, and encourage you, to always search the word for yourself. If you are going to walk in this thing the right way, always study. It's not enough to wake up on a Sunday, or even just a bible study, and expect to know and understand the word of God. We are close to the end of times, and revelations speaks of false teachers and prophets. Beware! If you aren't studying to show yourself approved, who knows what type of doctrine or principles you may get sucked into. Study!

Peace and Blessings,

Divyne

Who that is? That's Just that Favor Working! (inside thing from the Nationwide Women's Conference)

2005-07-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

Psalm 30:5 (AMP) For His anger is but for a moment, but His favor is for a lifetime or in His favor is life. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

There is something truly remarkable about the favor of God. Let's define favor for a minute to get a clear understanding: Webster's dictionary defines favor: To take pleasure in, to delight in, to be pleased with. The minute we declared Christ as our lord and savior and were born again, he began to take pleasure in, delight in, and be pleased with us. It was at that moment we received his favor.

But you ever wonder why some Christians are always unhappy, broke, and their lives just can't seem to come together? It's because they are missing the key steps to receiving God's favor. Being "born-again” and receiving salvation is the first step. But then, "What's next?"

Let me give you the short story on some "favor" I received recently. The end of April, I got into a car accident that tore up the front end of my car. My insurance deductible was 500 dollars that I didn't care to spend at that moment, besides my car was still running, and it just wasn't a priority. Anyway, about a month and a half later someone came to me in church handing me a business card. The man, who happens to own a company, referred me to a body shop. He told them personally, to take good care of me. A week later, the work on my car is done. And not only did they fix the front, but they fixed the back, and got rid of any scratch, nick, or dent, washed and waxed my car, making it look completely new. When it came time to pay the deductible, they only charged me 250 dollars! At the time, I only had half of the 250 and that was good enough for them! So basically I ended up getting almost 3,000 dollars worth of work done for a little over a hundred dollars! From a man, who I never even spoke to at church...All I could do yesterday was praise God and give him the glory...because I know that's just another case of that "favor working!" And let me submit this to you, "Favor is not fair," but its God's way of increasing and taking care of believers.

Now this topic can take up 2 blogs but I'm going to keep it short and sweet. There are several examples in the bible where people have experienced God's favor in the bible. The stories of Joseph, Noah, David, Ruth, etc. all have experienced God's favor. I tell you God's favor isn't just for the rich, or the preachers, and pastors, God's favor is for everyone.

Let's go through the basics....

1. Obedience. How can you expect the favor of God if you can't obey his commandments? How can you experience the favor of God when you don't even listen to his spirit? Think about it, parents don't usually award their kids for bad behavior. Obeying and listening to the Holy Spirit is the first step. Proverbs 8:34-36 (NIV)34 Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.35 For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD .36 But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death."

2. Tithes and Offerings. Malachi 3:10 gives us a clue- Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house, and prove me now herewith, says Lord of hosts, if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and pour out for you such a blessing for you, that there will not be room enough to receive it. This is not just an Old Testament rule, it applies and works (trust me!) for life today. I ask people all the time when they tell me about their financial woes, "Are you a tither?" Talk to a person who tithes regularly...they will tell you all sorts of stories in regards to the favor of God in their lives.

3. Faith. We all know faith is basically just believing in the unseen. When you tithe you are exercising that exact principle, having faith for the maximum return in your life. When you have faith, you trust God to take care of your situations. God will not operate in your favor if you don't trust him. Begin to trust God! Exercise your faith and you'll see the results.

These steps are sure to work. Your enemies will bless you, you'll experience supernatural debt cancellation, people will just want to do things for you, you'll receive that job without the background, you'll receive that promotion that's been on your heart, and just some awesome things will begin to occur. Try it and e-mail me when you see that favor working! Know that when you have the favor of God on your life, nothing can stop you. Receive Jesus, obey his commandments, tithe, and exercise your faith. It's just as simple as that.

Psalm 84:11 (AMP) 11For the Lord God is a Sun and Shield; the Lord bestows [present] grace and favor and [future] glory (honor, splendor, and heavenly bliss)! No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

Joy Comes In the Morning...Because I Am A New Creature!

2005-07-12T10:39:00.000-04:00

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature, old things are passed away, behold, all things have become new. II Corinthians 5:17

Since I've changed my lifestyle, renewed my mind, and stopped playing games with Christ. This has been my absolute favorite scripture. Paul received revelation when he wrote this. If anyone knows the history of Paul, we know he hated the church and was even a murderer. But he got the revelation that when HE received CHRIST he became a new creature.

You will find that when you try to walk for God, people from your past will begin to come up on your life. These people will try to keep you in the past by bringing up "old times" and various sins you've committed to try and downplay your righteousness. When you accept Christ as your lord and personal savior, you become the righteousness of him because ALL of those old sins are thrown in the sea of forgiveness.

Lately, I've had ex girlfriends, ex boyfriends, old friends, acquaintances, etc. crossing my path. And I tell you, I've learned that the key to shutting them up when they bring up an old behavior of yours or something that you've grown from in the past, is to answer them with the word of God. Just quote II Corinthians 5:17, and keep it moving.

Even if you fornicated yesterday, you can repent and wake up the next day as a new creature in Christ Jesus. Thank God for Brand New Mercies! Nevertheless, let's not take these brand new mercies we have for granted.

I must admit, through everything I've been through in the past year...losing a job, getting into a car accident, losing some friends, etc. I am at one of my most happiest peaks. The joy of the lord is what keeps me smiling. My love has grown immensely and continues to grow stronger and stronger. I am at total PEACE with my life, even though I know I have a lot more to accomplish.

Now the key to having my kind of joy, is to stop living for EVERYONE else, and live for CHRIST! Don't be afraid to get out of that sinful, unequally yoked relationship, or friendship. Trust me, you will feel a weight off your shoulders once you finally move on, and take the steps to live for Christ. It may hurt at first, because of your temptations to succumb to the flesh and remain in the relationship that's not ordained by God. But I submit to YOU JOY does come in the morning! I've been there, and it pains me to see some of my friends battling with the same issues I've overcome. I love you, and I want you all to have the true, everlasting joy that I'm experiencing with my first love.

People ask me who am I dating all the time and I answer them, "Oh I have a man, his name is Jesus." That's the truth! While I am growing, and as he is developing this "new creature" all I need is him. This is the one who died for me. And this is what I thought about when coming to Christ full circle. (notice I say full circle because many of us receive Christ but remain on the fence, never experiencing the fullness of him) But will that woman or man you are sinning with lay down their life for you? And not just lay down their life. But will they bear your inequities, be poor so you can be rich, be sick so that you can always receive healing, and chastised so that you can have peace, on top of being beat to a pulp, whipped, and nailed to a cross? I'm sure ya'll saw Passion of the Christ, or better yet read about the crucifixion yourself. I like the book of Luke in particular because with Luke being a doctor, he was more detailed. Go online research some of the weapons used for crucifixion, during those times. Let the seriousness of it really sink in. Once you do that, that relationship doesn't seem that worth it does it?...I know it didn't for me. I fell out of love with SIN and fell in love with Jesus, and nothing brings greater joy than that.

Spiritual Warfare...

2005-07-07T08:46:00.000-04:00

Ephesians 6:12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Although I am not fighting overseas in the American Army, God has given me revelation that I am still fighting. As Christians we are fighting daily. This is spiritual warfare people. As long as we remember who we are fighting, and that in fact, we've ALREADY won in Christ Jesus, then we will succeed. It is not our place to get upset at the next person who does us wrong, or does something to hurt us. When we are hurt, if we put into remembrance, that it was not "them" who actually hurt us, but rulers of darkness our days will be a lot brighter.

I've been hurt by friends, and even more hurt by family members. So having this revelation has helped me to walk in love and forgiveness during times of adversity. Satan knows its "doomsday" for him, that's why he will continue to attack in every way possible until the Second Coming of the Lord. Some may say, "Divyne, I am going through too much. I can't believe they did this to me. How can I ever love or trust again? It's just too hard."

With a statement like that, you are prematurely declaring defeat before you've even attempted victory. Let's go over some steps to defeat the enemy. These steps have helped me over the past year, which my pastor declared "The Year of Release." And God knows I've been released from some strongholds, and have had some positive things released to me in this year. You can tell just by reading my blog from beginning to end. And today, I am still being released, and delivered from negativity in my life. If God can do it for me, he can surely release you from some things because he is no respecter of persons. You just have to KNOW that you war not against people, but against the enemy, that the enemy is defeated, and then act on these steps to make sure he is defeated:

Pray and fight the good fight of faith, faith is our weapon to defeating the enemy. The bible says, "Whoever says unto this mountain, be thou removed and be thy cast into the see, without any doubt in his heart, but believes that those things which he says shall come to pass, he shall have whatever she says...Mark 11:22
'Remember that, "Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit." When going through adversity, we have to be especially careful on what we let come out of our mouths. I gave you 2 scriptures. One says that if we believe what we receive we shall have whatever we say. It doesn't say, if we believe whatever "Good" we receive we shall have whatever "Good" we say. Does it? So that means, if we believe that we have negative, then the outcome will in fact be negative. Instead of letting demeaning words come out of our mouths, it is imperative to "speak the Word of the Living God" over our situations. When fighting the devil, it is imperative that you search the scriptures for the word that declares victory over your situation. Write your own personal confession, regarding that stronghold in your life, read it aloud daily, thank God for it, declare it by letting patience have a perfect work in you, all while sitting back waiting for manifestation.
As pressure comes continue to, " Press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14 KJV Think of it in terms of a track meet. The announcer tells us to get on our marks, get set, GO! We run, and run, and what do we do when we can look in the corner of our eye to see that person gaining up on us? We run even harder. Well I submit to you that, the person gaining up on us is the enemy. And when he gains up, we need to press that much harder towards our mark to receive the prize of our high calling in Christ Jesus. And what a wonderful prize that is Amen!
Practice the presence of God. How do you feel when you are in total submission, praising God? Like you have no cares in the world right? Well I submit to you, that praise paralyzes the enemy. Satan can not move where there is heavenly praise. You want to shoot the devil, make him feel pain, try praising God when he brings adversity to you instead of crying about it. Trust it will make you feel that much better and Satan will feel that much worse. James 4:7, "Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." God never said that we wouldn't have problems, but he has given us the keys in his word. He teaches us to #1 Resist the devil, and THEN only THEN will he flee.

We are in a war, but unlike the war in Iraq our victory is guaranteed. Our weapons are faith, the word of God, and praise. We've already won. That's Awesome!

Sure I go through my share of problems, and like you I've made my share of mistakes and some not that long ago, nevertheless the thirst of his righteousness NEVER leaves me, I always remember that I am worthy of God's goodness and grace, and that I have the keys to the Kingdom in his word, and that gives me the POWER to win spiritual warfare.

Peace & Blessings

Divyne

The Generational Blessing

2005-07-05T14:45:00.000-04:00

Father I need you, please come into my life
I’m tired of all the pain, all the hurt, and all the strife

This is my prayer…

But the story is…
I’m feeling like a constant fugitive running from you and running from myself
Voices in my mind, continuously whispering, “Jezebel, you’re doomed to hell.”
Running the from the truth, that’s been told will set me free
Wanting it in my heart, struggling with the sins that set me apart
It happened roughly one hundred twenty five years prior
Broken glass, crosses set fire
Lynchings and burnings but her, she was only 12 years young
Penetrated, devastated, back then didn’t need any guns to scare her
Just your presence made her fear, and being a slave year after year
She became used to walking in the flesh, exposing her breast for men’s pleasure
Although her breast, nursed generations of generations past forever
Her pain, became my pain
And instead of generational blessings
Curses of self hate, and self loathing became my traits
Instead of admiring African Queens
My role models were bodacious video hoes, tip drilling to the sound of electric drum beats
This was me…But now I know, it doesn’t have to be
See relatively 2005 BC or something like that
There was someone who bore a cross and took my infirmities upon his back
Chastised for my peace, our burdens were upon his soul
Every lash stood for an iniquity, or a sickness, let the truth really be told
See there was something else that happened one hundred twenty five years prior
Someone gave their life to Jesus, despite the horror of crosses being set fire
So that generational curse was transformed into a blessing
Just by one in the lineage, giving their life without second guessing
Am I worthy? Or Am I not?
Will what I did be soon forgot?
His ghost replies, “Confess them all to me, for I am faithful and just to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. My child you abide in me, and I in you. You are set free. Just attempt to walk as I do. While you take one step, I’ll continue to take two towards you… I want you blessed. I want you prosperous, and not just material wealth. I want you whole, and like Blind Bartimeous healed with a true and clear vision of yourself. You are more than a conqueror, above and never beneath, those generational curses can no longer affect you. All you need to do is follow me.”

And So I Did...

Divyne

7/4/05

Struggling in your Christian Walk? Let's be like Ruth and find us some Naomi's!

2005-07-01T13:08:00.000-04:00

But Ruth replied, “ Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.….” Ruth 1 vs 16 NIV

Okay…before we go on lets 1st establish that as Christians we should not be unequally yoked. That goes for close friendships as well as relationships…Any type of BINDING partnership…

Sometimes we have to break away from the people closest to us just to remain in right standing with God. Love from a distance and keep them in prayer. By praying in faith after walking away from the friendship, you’ll find that eventually they will change and come to Christ themselves. But you can’t go to the club with them, smoke a blunt with them, and expect them to do a 360 or 180 just because you have later on. Remove yourself because the relationship is not beneficial to you. After they see you walking in Christ and living right, they will do one of 2 things. They will either follow you because they see the blessings upon your life, and they want it for themselves, or walk away from you because they rather live for the Kingdom of Darkness.

Now draw towards people who have your answers not your problem. Make them your “close friends.” I have made my mom my Naomi, and a girl from my church my Naomi because they are where I want to be in Christ and I love them dearly. There God is my God and I know that by following in their footsteps, I’ll be blessed like they have been blessed because God is NO respecter of persons. What he does for one woman, he will do for another. By following someone’s footsteps who you SEE with your own eyes are bearing fruit in their lives, you too will begin to bear fruit. I believe Jesus said to his disciples in a parable (I’ll find it later), that “You will KNOW them by their fruits.” Correct me if I'm wrong, I'll find the exact verse later.

Many friends will talk a great game, but the truth of their intentions and lifestyles will eventually come out by the kind of fruit their producing in their lives. Their fruit can be: prosperity, faithfulness, and love. Or it can be drama, sickness, disease, or pain…

Choose your friends wisely.

You can be blessed by association just as you can be guilty by association.

Notice how although Naomi lost her husband, that her love to serve and to walk with the woman of God Ruth helped her in the end, and that she was redeemed from all curses.

I don't know about you, but umm It's a blessing to have some Naomi's in your life.

SEXUAL HEALING CONFERENCE....

2005-06-30T12:07:00.000-04:00

Gosh I wish I knew about this earlier. Because I definitely would have been in attendance. This woman is awesome! And she is a member of New Light Christian Center, in Houston Ivy Hilliard's church, my wonderful pastor's father in the ministry. Her courage to walk in biblical principles is another inspiring testimony. To actually have the courage to go against what the "world" says is cool, and to focus on what "the bible" says is admirable.

http://www.monicabrownministries.com/home.htm

Forgiveness IS for Me, not You!

2005-06-30T10:33:00.000-04:00

Colossians 3:13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.

This week has been full of tests for me. I have been giving tests from Satan, and tests from God. If you don't understand the difference read the previous blog.

My test yesterday was from the Lord himself. And I thank God that I was able to recognize this as a test, I welcomed the challenge, and THIS time, I passed!

To make a long story short one of my very good friends, ended up dating/seeing someone, that just a few months prior, I was seeing. Now understand that I was seeing this person before I decided to go on my "Christian Walk" so to speak. And yesterday, they finally came out in truth to let me know.

Now remember what I was saying in the previous blog?? Never ignore what God is telling you. The Holy Spirit told me what was going to happen from DAY 1, probably before the thought was ever implanted in their minds. I thank God for this revelation because knowing this led me to protect my feelings by stepping back, and pushing toward that mark even harder. Now any regular, worldy individual would have snapped, went off, cursed someone out, etc. Yet with my strive to be "not of this world," with my strive to be "Christ-like", I thought before I reacted. "Hmm, what would Jesus have done?" Jesus, of course wouldn't curse them out. He would forgive them without recompense, walk in "true love" and move on. You will find if you don't forgive, that action is hurting you and you only, not the individual who you aren't forgiving. That person will have moved on with their lives, and you would be sitting there, stressed, and bitter, all because YOU can't forgive. Forgiveness is for YOU not them. When I recognized this truth, and began to walk in this truth, the shackles of bitterness began to fall off, making my life all the better.

I forgive my father for leading me not to trust him, I forgive my brother for not embracing me when I was battling with homosexuality and talking down to me, I forgive T.D.F. for being the first person to hurt me so bad in a relationship, that I prepared myself to die because I was so weak, I forgive N.F.R for making me feel like I was less of a person at times, I forgive the man who raped me because I know that God will avenge my enemies, that you are more miserable than I ever was, and I pray that you receive Jesus. I forgive ALL family, and ALL friends for any disloyal actions displayed, and if I ever hurt any of you, I pray that you can forgive me as well.

Know that if WE don't forgive, God is not obligated to forgive us. And I don't know about you, but I have some sins that I NEED God to forgive me for so I can move forward with my life.

I know this: Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Notice the scripture says "must." I don't know about you, but if God tells me that I MUST do something, then I'm going to try and do what I must do. I also know this: I John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

After everything we've done contrary to his word, the bible says that God is FAITHFUL and JUST to forgive us, and cleanse us. So who am I not to forgive someone? Notice how God brought this test to bring me to another level of faithfulness. It's not coincidental that just this week, I was asking for forgiveness from fornicating with someone. An act that goes totally against my walk in righteousness. Here I am coming to his throne, to be cleansed and forgiven, and now I am brought in a situation that calls me to forgive. :-) I have to smile, because I KNOW God is working on me, and developing me, to be the woman he's called me to be. He hasn't given up, even when I walked in the flesh...Thank you Jesus for knowing my heart and for always reconciling on my behalf.

Peace & Blessings...

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us...."

Unequally Yoked....YIKES!

2005-06-29T10:03:00.000-04:00

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?And what communion has light with darkness? II Corinthians 6:14

Satan, is really bringing the tests on now. This is definitely not a test from God. Tests from God are designed to bring us to another level of faithfulness and prosperity. God will never test us with sin, or try to bring us into any harm...But uhh Satan will. Satan's tests are designed to bring you out of unrighteousness. If you say, "I'm going to live holy." He's going to bring everything that was sinful and tempting to you before you accepted Christ, in your path, to get you out of holiness.

Satan knows the calling upon my life, that will begin to manifest itself within a few months, and he's trippen. Trust he knows your calling too and will do everything in his power to get us to deviate from our path. He's working over time to bring me out of the path of unrighteouness. He knows the ripple effect this could cause. By bringing me out of unrighteouness, I could feel so unworthy that I won't feel I can come to God, then I'll slowly but surely stop bible study, then church, then the next thing you know I'm pregnant by some non-christian man, out of God's will for my life, people whose lives I'm supposed to affect won't be affected by me, and ultimately he will raise up someone else to the level of faith and prosperity that was destined for me, had I walked by his word. *whew what a mouthful!* You may think I'm tripping or jumping to conclusions. But its true.

Instead of giving advice, I"ll give you a REAL taste of what's happening in my world from disobeying the Holy Spirit, walking in flesh, and communing with the unequally yoked...

Let's get personal...

RECAP:

Walked out on a woman I thought I loved...not knowing that God is love at the time, to live a life free from Homosexuality, and rededicated my life totally to God.

Started attending "Perfecting Classes" for work within my church's ministry. Note: The code of honor states that before joining work of the ministry they want you to have been free from any sexually illicit activities, smoking, drinking, etc. for a period of 6 months.

God planted the vision in my heart that I would be teaching young people how to release themselves from sexual strongholds, and generational curses.

God planted the desire in my heart to attend bible institute to take my knowledge even further.

Went out with a friend I hadn't seen in awhile and met a man who over time I became very close friends with.

He's in the entertainment business, so to "hang out" with him, I ended up back in the very clubs I walked away from.

Then he kissed me, I kissed back, it was at that exact moment a genuine friendship bond was broken.

Note: Regardless of what the "world" says, its not OK to kiss a man that you aren't intending on marrying, because kissing brings on other emotions, and sexual feelings.

Kissing eventually led to sex, so now that I'm delivered from homosexuality...I'm faced with deliverance from fornication...which is just as bad as homosexuality...NO sin is greater than the other.

So now I've fornicated with someone who now get this: doesn't even believe in Jesus Christ, the very man I'm glorifying.

Yet, other than the fact that he doesn't believe in Jesus Christ or the bible, he's the picture perfect man I would marry.

Whooooo the Devil is a liar! See what happens when you ignore the Holy Spirit. I'm filled with the holy spirit, with the evidence of speaking in tongues, so there is NO excuse. I've heard and I still hear God talking to me... Yet I "chose" to ignore God and do things my way. And I have to admit, the more I engaged in that sin, the more faint his voice became. You don't want to get to the point where you DON'T hear God's voice anymore...I know I don't...

Now because I've fornicated, its going to take that much longer before I can serve in the ministry, I have to deal with feelings of guilt and condemnation, and its a lot harder to walk in the spirit after you've walked in the flesh as I did when I fornicated.

Wow...imagine if I was soo lost that I didn't realize this. I could end up marrying this man, who is completely "unequally yoked" and not truly receive the promises of God that I want for my life. We would argue about the way we raise our children, and just the way we do business overall. Having a "binding" relationship with someone not on your exact "spiritual" level can be detrimental. Notice I say "binding" relationship. Jesus had fellowship with unbelievers, how else was he going to win them over.

But imagine having a business with someone not on your same spiritual level. You go to write this particular contract for someone to do work within your company. They want to deliberately tweak the contract for the business's benefit, and that business only because you will gain more profit. Your spirit says, "Don't do it, you are holy. You are a child of the most High God. Be honest!" You tell your business partner, now there's a disagreement that could have been avoided had you not been unequally yoked with this unbeliever. Because a believer of Christ, who walks with Christ, will walk in integrity.

The importance of this scripture is definitely not to be played with. Had I surrounded myself with someone who believed in the same Christian values as myself, I wouldn't have even had to worry about being tempted with sex. Believe it or not ladies, there are some Christian men out there who won't even think about touching you until you are married to him. Believe it or not, there are people out there in control of their fleshy, sinful, desires.

Do not let yourself be unequally yoked with unbelievers! The bible says to, "resist the devil, and he will flee." As long as we don't resist, we will keep being tempted. The devil knows my calling to HELP women and men w/ sexual strongholds, so of course he's going to try to keep me in one myself! He KNOWS the plan for your life as well! Recognize it! Stay prayed up...stay out of old situations and environments. Then you wont' have to worry about saying, "Oh lord, give me the strength, and the know how to get out of this one." Stop taking advantage of God's grace, and lets make him proud all the days of our lives. Let's stop using the scripture, "We all come short of the glory of God..." as an excuse to keep sinning, and keep repenting.

Ladies & Gentleman...I'm ministering to myself too...because deep down inside I KNOW being unequally yoked with someone will bring nothing but hurt, pain, and strife, into my future.

Peace & Blessings...

Thank you Holy Spirit for Revelation Knowledge!

2005-06-24T09:43:00.000-04:00

Jesus once said to Simon Peter, “ Simon, Simon, Behold, Satan desires to have you Peter, so that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith does not fail, and when you are converted, strengthen your brethren…” Luke 22 vs 31-33

Reading this makes the picture much clearer. Once you have been converted, once you have passed the tests, it is your job to strengthen your brethren. It is your job to help someone else pass the test you’ve passed, through prayer, and encouragement. This is our jobs as Christians. Christ abides in us, and we in him, therefore we strive to do as he would do. When you notice your fellow brother or sister going down a negative path, don't just sit there. That's not being a friend, that's not being the man or woman God, whom God has called you to be. Speak up! Encourage! Give them a word from God about their situation! Not just "your" own made up advice, because sometimes WE dont know what we are talking about. Pray about the situation and seek wisdom from the Holy Spirit. It is the Holy Spirit who gives us understanding...The bible says to "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to our own understanding." I'm not just saying that, the bible says it. No matter how many self help books you've read, or how many years of school, or whatever situations you've been through, your true wisdom will come in asking the Holy Spirit for guidance. Unlike doctors, psychologist, pschiatrists, friends, and family, the Holy Spirit is never wrong.

The Holy Spirit is what made me minister to my friend on Wednesday. The Holy Spirit is what made me invite her to bible study. She asked me to pray for her about a trial in her life. And it was the Holy Spirit who gave me revelation knowledge pertaining to her situation...Today, I am thanking God for what happened on Wednesday. My friend rededicated her life to Christ. She now has the strength to carry on for her situation. And she knows that even if she does make a negative choice, that she is still worthy of God's grace and goodness through repentance, and the renewing of the mind. I love you "Q"...Welcome back to the Kingdom!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

2005-06-22T08:11:00.000-04:00

Hiatus=Discovery

Challenges=Overcomer

Realizations=Convictions

Jesus=Peace

Its not rocket science to see how each word relates to the other. Doing my hiatus from the PC, and particular people I've been able to discover some things about myself. I am comfortable with being MYSELF, without a companion in the natural realm. Sure that feels nice, but my happiness doesn't depend on it. Being single, I've been able to discover my true inner being.

Over the past year, I've had some serious challenges. Being laid off from a job I loved, losing a best friend, leaving a lifestyle I was once so comfortable in, to do a total 360 and live a life dedicated to God. Trying to remain celibate, until I'm married... Lawd Help me on this one! These have all been challenges for me. And I've overcame most of them already. However, when times get rough I remember Phillipians 4:13 and I am reminded that I am an overcomer. Challenges?? Bring it on!

Lately, I've been realizing some things about myself. And I continue to be a "work in progress." Satan, knows my weaknesses and will constantly bring about temptations. Nevertheless, since I have Christ, any time I "sin" it brings about condemnation. You know that feeling of guilt, and shame?...Well although I've felt that condemnation I don't give up. Satan wants the condemnation to get the best of you, so you won't feel worthy of God's goodness for your life. As Paul said, I continue to press towards the mark...Just like in a track meet, when you feel that person coming up on you, you run harder...well when you feel that pressure from the devil come on you, that means you RUN harder...you PRESS towards the mark of the high calling...That's where our victory is! I repeat!...After you've sinned, don't ever feel so condemmed that you give up and think you aren't worthy of God's goodness...No one is perfect. Just learn from the mistake, repent, and keep it moving.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus....Thank you. In my darkest hours of confusion, and lonliness you've comforted me. You were chastised for my peace so that I may have peace. I prayed for that peace over my life, and you gave it to me. Like the story of blind Bartimaeus: Mark 10:52, "And Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight, and followed Jesus in the way." Father, I am no longer spiritually blind for you hath made ME whole, and for all the days of my life I will follow you.

How Did I Do??

2005-04-12T12:06:00.000-04:00

Well as you all know I auditioned for the Elite ladies of Football, the Reskinettes. I’m happy to announce, that my first time auditioning, I made it past 3 cuts to the semi-finals. Initially, my feelings were very mixed. Because I surprised myself in getting that far, I started to build confidence and think, “Hey maybe, I can become a Redskinette.” Although, I was cut in the semi final round, I don’t regret it any bit. I am in shape because of the preparation (which I plan to keep up, I’m going jogging today), and I know what it takes to go through an audition of that type, which makes me excited for next year. The ambassador cheerleaders are announced next week, and I believe I have a pretty good chance of getting called for that position, which is still an excellent opportunity with lots of perks. If not, well dust myself off and try again next year! I can’t wait to start taking jazz & hip hop classes to perfect my technique. Who said 23 is too young to get started on something you’ve always wanted to do?

Guitar lessons are next. My pastor declared this year as the Year of Release. Well not only is it the year of release for me, but it’s the year of self-improvement and living to the fullest. It’s time to enjoy life…over the past few months I’ve learned that life on earth isn’t promised. What’s the point of continuing to put things off??

Auditions tomorrow!!!

2005-04-07T08:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I ran a mile, and I'm not even sore today. That's a huge sign that I'm actually back in shape, and I'm so pleased with myself. Today, I will work on the finishing touches. I’ll workout and stretch of course, and hit the tanning salon to give myself a vibrant glow. I’ve already thought about how I’ll introduce myself and I feel it’s unique. I’m excited and ready. Maybe I’ll become a Redskinette, maybe I’ll become a Redskin Cheerleader Ambassador, or maybe I’ll just have to try everything again next year. Now if I get cut, I won’t know if I made the ambassadors for another two weeks. I’ll keep you all posted for sure. Whatever the outcome, I believe this experience shows my growth. A few years ago, I wouldn’t dare do anything that was out of what people felt was my “norm.” A challenge this big would be something to scare me. However, as I was running with Mindy yesterday, I kept telling myself, “I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.” As I made that my confession, a second wind would arrive to push me even farther. So as I go into audition mode, I will keep telling myself the same thing….besides, if its meant to be it will be. “Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven…”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUFFY!

2005-04-05T13:20:00.000-04:00

I CAN'T EVEN DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I MISS MY BEST-FRIEND...

THE PAIN DOES LESSEN, BUT I STILL FEEL HURT...

YOU CAN TELL ITS HER DAY BECAUSE OF HOW THE SUN IS SHINING...SHE IS CELEBRATING WITH JESUS AND I AM HAPPY FOR HER...

NEVERTHELESS, I STILL MISS HER DEARLY.

My Daily Confession

2005-04-04T15:44:00.000-04:00

Father in the name of Jesus, I thank you, I love you and I honor you. I thank you for sending your son Jesus to pay the price for my sins, for bearing my iniquities, for becoming poor so that I may be rich, for being chastised so that I may have peace, and for bearing stripes so that I am healed. I thank you for taking supreme reign over my life. I thank you for giving me strength in knowing that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Lord, you are my strength in overcoming all things that do not glorify your holy name. No longer will these things that do not glorify you, rule over my life. No longer will Satan have control over my thoughts. Lord, you have given me the power to resist the temptations of the Devil so that he may flee. Sexual temptations, urges to swear, spend frivolously, are behaviors that no longer belong to me. There is now no condemnation to me because I am in Christ Jesus; I don’t walk after the flesh, but after the Spirit. The Holy Spirit giving me wisdom and allowing me to operate in truth will be my sole guide. I know that greater is he that is within me, than he that is in the world. I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus, I am always above and never beneath, I am the head and not the tail, because your favor continuously surrounds me.

Thank you Father, that I have the nature of a “sower”. Because I know that when I give, it shall be given back to me, in a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. All of my needs and my family’s needs are supplied according to your riches and glory. I know that you will build me up to always be a blessing unto others, exercising the true meaning of a philanthropist. I thank you Father for giving me power to use my ability, and my influence, on someone’s behalf.

Lord, I ask that you continue to remove the blinders from people that surround me. I ask that you send laborers that will deliver your word to them on a constant basis. I thank you father that all of my family members and friends are saved, and will thirst for the Kingdom of God and its righteousness. I thank you Father for casting out feelings of loneliness by surrounding me with people who will provoke me unto love and to good works. I thank you that myself and those that are in my presence, hearts are clean and that we all are partakers in the divine nature. I am the virtuous woman of God according to Proverbs 31 with my heart set on you.

Lord, I thank you for preparing someone’s heart and mind to be able to love me according to 1Corinthians 13:4 and as Christ loved the church. I set and position myself to receive what I have spoken in Jesus name. Amen!

Just when you are about too...

2005-03-29T15:48:00.000-05:00

Just when I'm even closer or on the brink of jumping a ledge, God always finds a way to pull his child back up, wipe the dust from her eyes, and show her sun amongst the fog. Please don't take this literally people...I'm not hardly suicidal.

It's just that, well sometimes we let "love" or the promise of "love" or the feeling of "love" or even the illusion of "love" FROM MAN...or in my case WOMAN get in the way of what we are actually called to do. Everything feels right, sounds even better, and just as you are about to make that decision, God shows you yet another reason why you shouldn't.

Do I live for the moment and keep ignoring God because it feels right? Well almost all sin feels right, that's why its so hard to be delivered from it. Whether it be smoking, swearing, drinking, fornicating, etc. Talk to someone whose been delivered, and they will tell you a story of struggle. Talk to someone whose remained delivered, and they will tell you a story of triumph.

I've learned that the key is planning your way out, and confessing the Word of God over the situation, while taking action.

Well I must admit, I haven't taken the time to write my own confessions or speak the word of God over situations. I read, quote scripture, study, the word of God...but have I really challenged him to his Word?...Have I confessed the word of God over my life with the promises that what I confess will come to past in my own life?...At this point, I haven't even tried. And that's where I have fallen short....until now that is...

I am the head not the tail, I am above and not beneath, I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus...
Amen!

Redskinette!!! Uh...No an Ambassador Will Do for Now!

2005-03-25T09:28:00.000-05:00

A good friend told me yesterday that she admired that I am always up for a challenge. Well trying out for the most respected and known of the NFL cheerleaders is indeed a challenge. Especially for someone who has hardly any dance experience. Lord, the things my cousin begs me to do. Lol I’ve been going to the prep classes with her for the past few weeks, and although I am so sore I can hardly walk, the experience is well worth it. I am having a ball, and this just to go through this experience has made me even more confident. See, the Redskinette coach is looking for the FULL package. Redskinettes are known for being glamorous as well as dancers. You can’t be an excellent dancer, and don’t have the glam part down and vice versa. There is also another job you can get chosen for if you aren’t chosen to become a redskinette, and this is a Redskin Cheerleader Ambassador. This position has all of the same perks as a redskin cheerleader, with the exception of being in the swimsuit calendar. However, ladies in this position are known as “spokes models” and “non-performing” cheerleaders. They participate in various photo shoots, community events, and sign autographs. Basically they do public relations for the redskins, during game days. Being an ambassador is more my speed, besides, anyone that knows me knows that I LOVE people and glamour. J I am having a blast, meeting new ambitious women, participating in dance classes, and defining my body. Even if I am not chosen for a cheerleader or an ambassador, God knows this experience has been worth it.

One of my appointed roles...

2005-03-21T15:04:00.000-05:00

Wow…I REALLY enjoyed myself this weekend. I spent time with some of my favorite people, Nadine, Lish, my godchildren Zaelyn and Jovan, my aunt, and some cousins. Because this weekend was so gorgeous, I skipped rehearsal for the fashion show I’m in and enjoyed the sun. Nadine and I took Zae to take pictures w/ the Easter bunny…talk about terrified. She tried to fight the bunny. HA! And Jovan…my godson. His eyes lit up and he smiled as soon as I said hello. His eyes are gray or green depending on the mood I guess. So beautiful …

I cried this weekend. Really shed some tears. All of a sudden I got this overwhelming feeling of responsibility. As Zae and I spent time over Nadine’s, it hit me, that this child does not know who her mom is, and is confused about it. As much as I try to get her to say my name, she will not. She insists on calling me mommy, and her father says I am the only one who she does that too. Have I thought about taking the move down south with Nadine? Of course I have. I’ll miss her beyond belief. However, I’ll be even more miserable leaving my goddaughter. Since her mom was killed, I have become a “mom-figure” to her, and I love her as if she was mine. I can’t even describe to you how deep it is…I tear up thinking about it. Looking into her eyes, I see my best-friend. The one woman who has always kept it real with me, never acted shady, put me in my place when needed; never abandoning me in a time of need…she was the epitome of a “best-friend.”
I can’t deny a part of me wants to go to Atlanta because although Nadine and I aren’t “together” she has become one of the closest people to me over time.
Yet an even bigger part of me knows that our friendship won’t die because she’s moved away, she’s been really ‘true’ during some tough times in my life.

Now I don’t think that this is the place where I will settle for the rest of my life. Who knows when Zaelyn gets a little older I might feel more comfortable about relocating. But I am a GodMommy…wow…that sounds really weird to me…A mommy appointed by God in the truest sense...

A Collective Effort for Change

2005-03-11T14:58:00.000-05:00

As you know if you’ve read any of my past blogs, here are my past few months in short. By my 3rd blog entry, my best-friend was murdered. Because her murder affected me so much, I wanted to do something to honor her memory. I’ve often talked about establishing a scholarship foundation in her honor. A big part of me worried about including family members of hers because, well…you’d have to know the family…they are ‘drama-filled.’ However, it’s been 6 months since she was taken out of our lives, and our wounds are beginning to close. So I decided to “close the loops.” The help that I was getting to establish a scholarship foundation from that big corporation, well I still have that help….well WE still have that help. And not only will the “Kendra Smith Family Lifeline Movement” incorporate a scholarship for youth, the overall mission will be to provide emotional support to families victimized by homicides while fostering violent crime prevention methods to our misguided youth and other community residents.

The need for this type of program is great in our community. Almost daily, you can guarantee hearing a report on the news, pertaining to homicide. There is always a new family grieving over some violent crime that took place in their lives, or the demise of a loved one. This is causing members of the community to store hatred in their hearts, and then it becomes a reoccurring cycle of hate, refuge, and revenge. This cycle has to be broken, and it won’t be broken if people’s reaction to homicides are, “Oh just another homicide.” I used to be one of those people, until my best friend killed. Don’t be like me, and try to make an effort once you are directly affected. Be better than me and make an effort while your family and friends are safe. Getting involved in your community by just volunteering, or sitting down helping that child with his homework, or talking to that kid whose labeled “bad” and show him some love, these things alone can help them not to be that young adult who then kills someone you love, or better yet kill you.

Change in our communities is going to take a collective effort. And if we all have the same broad picture in mind, then why not come together? Whatever you have in mind, whether it’s helping to further a young person education, making counseling available, providing activities to keep them off the streets, etc. Whatever it is, trust it’s needed in our communities. Imagine if we lived by the old African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” today. Can you imagine that? Why live your life just by going to work, coming home, taking care of yourself, and your needs and then go to bed only to repeat the process? Establish purpose, a legacy, and make sure that you are not only remembered for your accomplishments for self, but for your contribution to humanity. Kendra Smith at 23 years old lived her life in this way, with an urgency to want to change the conditions of her surroundings. The legacy she’s left behind has inspired members of this movement to become members of the community and not just residents. Even if you feel that this movement isn’t for you, as I mentioned before there are ways to make a difference. The first step is to stop complaining, the second step is take some initiative, and the third step is to walk in love and faith, then you will become a part of the collective effort to change.

Relationship to Friendship

2005-03-10T10:25:00.000-05:00

The past few days I have been spending A LOT of time with my ex whom I call “Na.” Over the course of these few days, I’ve realized even more how grateful I am to her. Our relationship and our friendship have given me so many object lessons. She makes me want to better myself, and even with me getting deeper into the word of God, and avidly seeking his face, Na’s supportive. Of course we still have our moments of frustration with each other, but what friend doesn’t? I am grateful for not only Na’s guidance, but also the respect. Never throughout the course of me knowing Na has she exuded any “sneaky” or “conniving” behavior which unfortunately seems to be average qualities of a lot of women. She’s always considerate, open, and honest, forgiving, and upfront even when it hurts.

These past two years we’ve opened each others eyes to different things. She’s opened my eyes to a way of living that I admired and aspire to achieve. Her success, determination, kind-heartedness towards charitable causes, firmness, and business savvy has inspired me greatly. She tells me that my free-spirit, light heartedness, passion for family, and love of God has turned her into a better person. The best relationships/friendships are ones where only the positive is brought out, not the negative.

Well, I’m writing about her because the fact that she’s planning to relocate to Atlanta has saddened me. I am not sitting around depressed, but I know I will miss her presence in my life dearly. She’s originally from New York, and has been a Maryland resident for about 8 years now. Now she is ready to move on, because Maryland isn’t the place where she feels she should settle. She says she was only staying because of me, and now that I don’t see my future in this lifestyle that she is moving on. I definitely understand, I mean Na is ready to start a family and I’m having second thoughts myself about raising a family in this area. But I’ll let God guide me on where to move. She did extend the invitation for me to move with her, even if it’s just to get on my feet down there and move on. Nevertheless, I know God doesn’t want me out of this area for now or this lifestyle. I have too much to accomplish before I move, and I will not move anywhere until my goddaughter is able to pick up the phone and call me if she needs me.

I will miss her so much, but I’m grateful for her love, her generosity, her friendship…and I’m satisfied because I know that ‘seeds’ have been planted in her since we’ve met. More than ever she’s inquiring about the word of God, principals, etc. She even wants to get baptized. We’ve both helped each other to grow. Looking back on our lives 2 years ago, we were different people who changed for the positive, as a result of us affecting one another. Trouble, hurt, and distance came into our relationship, yet we were overcoming, and the bond has proven to be unbreakable. That’s a friend….That’s my Na…

My Eyes Are Watching God....

2005-03-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

You can tell I watched Oprah's rendition of the Zora Neal Hurston classic. Definitely a must read, and a wonderful movie if you haven't read or watched.

Anyway...this title is manifested in my life. Wow....so many doors are opening...God is so good.

He's kept me at perfect peace, even when I made mistakes and let people down...when they didn't forgive me, he did...and I'm at peace...

I am learning to walk in "Excellence" as Pastor Mike Freeman has said....seeking first the Kingdom of God, which is the order of which God does things, and implementing these same characteristics in my life. God knows I struggle, but I am an overcomer and will defeat these obstabcles...

Its exciting to know that so many people recognize the change that's taking place internally and eternally on me. I pray that next year this time, they won't even recognize me. :-)...Watching God, keeping my focus on him, is what gets me through the heartbreaks, the negativity, the pain, the adversity, the hurt....

Don't get me wrong...I have my moments of hurt, sin, etc. But because I have the "knowledge" and I'm no longer ignorant to the word of God, and its power to produce change when you follow it, I can bounce back....

I am learning so much about myself now that I'm "Watching God." Some if it I don't like. Ohhh lawd...I was speaking w/ Na about what I felt my downfalls were the other day. Lets' see:

my swearing (yuck mouth...so unattractive)
gossip (yes, most of us will mention others so easily without looking at ourselves, and yes I've been a partaker)
lack of self control (easily sucked into things I have no business doing...and I won't go into detail because that's a whole different blog)

And these are just a few of my sins....

But I'm facing it straight on, and I am a work in progress...God is doing and continues to do beautiful things with me, and is answering prayers regarding my family, and friends.

Depressed? Irritated? Hurt? Lonely?.... I have had all these feelings at one time...And sometimes these feelings will try to resurface themselves in my life...So more than ever my routine to overcome these is too:

Pray and make "faith confessions" that I have overcame these obstacles

Praise and worship...(I have my own private, praise and worship sessions, talk about a release)

Engage in fulfilling activity, and fellowship with rewarding people. (I am now in the process to become a mentor to incarcerated youth, modeling with some fun people, attending classes for ministry work at my church, developing an online clothing store w/a wonderful friend, etc.)

My old solutions to these problems would be sort of different. First of all, I wouldn't seek God until things got really bad. Why can't we just praise him, and thank him daily? I mean geez, we did wake up to a new day if you feel there's nothing else to be thankful for. My way of solving these problems would be to jump into a relationship (to take care of my lonliness), talk about my problems to people, instead of talking to God and getting real solutions (my business would be in the streets), take a drink...or 3 lol, party my pain away (when the party was over the problem was still there).

I've learned over these past few months...that life is so much easier when your Eyes are Watching God...instead of everyone and everything else so much...

The pieces will fall into place....Thank you Lord.

Just Can't Win! Can I?

2005-02-23T15:42:00.000-05:00

So....since I'm trying to change my life around, and leave this lifestyle, the new word from my adopted family is that I'm trying to push up on Walt, my goddaughter's father. Now, if you've read my personal blogger, or even the beginning of my postings on this, you would know just how close and important, kendra...aka. muffy was to me. Check out her site if you can. http://kendra-smith.memory-of.com/

Anyway, when she passed, I told Walt that my committment to be a "god-parent" was not for the sake of having the title, and that I would be there to help always. Zaelyn (my goddaughter) is extremely receptive of me, and shows me constant love, while shying away from some of her family members....this is not my fault or his, children are just picky sometimes. Anyway, I'm just hurt that because I've tried to do something better for my life, then people want to find some negativity in that. Kendra would be livid at some of her family members if she knew what was being said, but then again since they have so much drama all the time, she would probably expect it. Regardless of what anyone thinks or says, I will honor my committment to Kendra by being an involved Godmom in Zaelyn's life. That means, I have to be around her father, regardless of the accusations, or what anyone thinks. I love my fat girl. :-)....I don't need to have any ties w/ this family accept through Zae and her dad...That's what matters to me the most...The rest of them.....*sigh* oh well.....I've learned that people are going to talk no matter what we do in life....even when you are doing positive things...people of this 'world' will attempt to find ways to tear you down....

The Worst Feeling in the World....

2005-02-10T09:36:00.000-05:00

Well this is only one of them...

But its a sickening, uncomfortable, heart-dropping, feeling when you are growing apart from someone you love. You want to do something about it, but you aren't exactly sure if its' worth it, or for the greater good. *sigh*

You begin to question the existence of the relationship, and wonder what happened to the 'person' you initially fell for...This feeling turns to 'self-reliance' because afterall you are used to being alone right?...

People even thought you were delusional, or vulnerable for even allowing doors to be opened that were already filled with "good" love just not "perfect" love. Never satisfied, and always yearning to fill that void, to make the circle "perfect" you open your heart, revealing intricate parts of your soul...Once contemplentating each others sunrise, you now both dread the sunset, and you're deeply saddened by it, even shed some tears.

Wiping the tears, head held high, you push forward, even though you aren't 100 percent sure of the destination. There are never regrets, only lessons that you make yourself learn from, and grow to appreciate as time goes on...Besides being stagnant was never your style.

Growth...I need some!

2005-02-04T08:29:00.000-05:00

Have you ever ran into someone from your past and they made your skin crawl? Well that's how I felt when I saw....well I'll just say "brighteyes" today. :-) Brighteyes is a girl who I dated after going through a terrible breakup, and low point in my life. When I started dating her she seemed like a breath of fresh air, especially with all the drama I recently had. Anyway, to make a long story short, this girl came into my life, causing even more drama, wrecking even more havoc, told my business, and disrespected me. This was about 2 and a half years ago.

As a woman who is advidly seeking change in her life, by seeking the Kingdom of God and all its righteousness, I should have been over it right? Instead when I saw her in the grocery store, I turned up my nose, walking past her, continuing my phone conversation. As she did the 'double-take' I gloated to myself because she looked so terrible and down and out, and I knew I wasn't 'looking half-bad'....well that's an understatement I'll bare all, "I thought I was cute yesterday!"

Growth?? Yes I needed some!

It wasn't until I got home that the holy spirit spoke to me, and told me I had some work to do. I guess it didn't help that the lesson I just had been taught in my perfecting class, a couple of hours prior was about, looking at yourself. Seeing her look like that, shouldn't have given me glory, no matter how bad she treated me in the past. Jesus forgave me, who am I not to forgive? I missed out on a perfect opportunity to share what's really making glow these days, which is the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ. Maybe 'brighteyes' could have used a friendly smile, or some encouragement, instead of a look of disgust.

This seriously gave me a reality check. I need to continue reading, and studying the Word of God, so it can continue to produce an eternal and internal change in my life. The word of God says, that when you give your life to Christ, you are a new creature, old things are passed away and you are made new. Changes will not happen overnight, but I realize that this is a process. One of the steps for me is to take an even closer look at myself, regardless if what I feel I may see, I might not neccesarily like. I cannot be afraid of change or growth. When the holy spirit convicts me, I need to repent, accept it, and most importantly learn from it.

I pray that although I wasn't 'mature' enough to be a laborer of good news to her, that God will send other laborers to share the Word of God to her so that she may be blessed. Or who knows? I may run into her again...

Is it ticking already??!!

2005-02-02T11:40:00.000-05:00

Finally, I feel so much better to have gotten that over with. I got the rest of my things, and it wasn't ugly at all. I prayed for her, that she would receive peace, and understanding. She's coming along slowly, but surely...and if its in God's will we won't lose the friendship...

Well enough of that...

What's up with me? Is it ticking already?...

People often wonder why I am so "on the move." I'm constantly doing things to make my resume look better, engaging in career, networking, and volunteer opportunities whenever I get the chance. I'm advidly seeking the kingdom of God and all of its righteousness more than ever before. I'm looking into housing programs, looking for ways to better my credit because of all the dumb mistakes I made when I was lost. I'm laying the foundation.

I mentioned yesterday to my co-workers that I felt like my biological clock was starting to tick, and they laughed and said that I don't even have a clock yet. lol I know its way to soon for me to have children, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't start laying down the foundation and preparing my life for when I am ready.

Many events have occured in my life as a result of "unprepardness"...Life has not been easy. They say you can never be prepared for motherhood, and I agree with that. But I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to lay a strong foundation so I won't be totally lost for when it comes. I love children, I love family...I've often dreamed of how my family would look, act, etc. I have a providing spirit in me, that wants to nurture, love, serve, and take care of someone.

Now this doesn't mean that I'm going to go and make a baby tomorrow. So don't get that idea. But I do think ahead, and think of ways to prepare for my future...a lot.

So at 5 years from now, when I'm 28 years old, and that clock really gets to ticking, so loud in my ear that it keeps me up at night...

I won't say, "Oh I haven't saved any money, I haven't traveled, I haven't excelled in my career, or I don't own a home. Those don'ts, can'ts, or haven'ts will not be in my vocabulary when that clock gets to ticking...

Closure...

2005-01-31T16:14:00.000-05:00

This is the week that I seek closure from my past, and the week that I give closure to my past. Na was a beautiful chapter in my life. My only regret is that we could have maintained a friendship without crossing those boundaries into a relationship. But then again, don't most of us think this way once a relationship is over?

I would be lying to myself if I didn't say that losing her friendship does not hurt me at all...it does. I'm almost afraid to let someone get that close in a relationship. If the relationship doesn't work out, then bitterness sets in, you could lose an even greater friend. She's been there through my family issues, through health issues, through death of loved ones, and even through a rape. I've been there for her through many trials and tribulations too.

I know we have some differences, and things are touchy between us now. We have known for months that we were going in separate directions. It was felt in both of our hearts. The one promise I asked of her, was to no matter what, to please be a friend to me. I just lost a best-friend, and I didn't know if I could handle losing someone else that's close to me. Her natural affections and feelings for me got in the way of trying to keep a "friendship." And what could I say but, "Sorry" or "I understand" and move on.

Today I will get the last of my things from 7606, never turning back, but taking with me a wealth of experiences and memories: my mom's b-day barbecue, my first cooking experiments, the first argument over me not ironing a shirt, the lazy days of watching movies and drinking wine, trying Indian Curry and Roti for the first time, or Ms. R's sausage and potatoes, the 4th of July cookout w/ both of our families, staying up w/ me until 2 am trying to bid on this to die for Juicy Couture bag off of Ebay:-) (now that's a friend lol), etc. etc. etc.

Losing the "lover"...I could always take...

Losing the "friend" is what hurts me, gives me that sour feeling in my stomach, or that lump in my throat...

It's that uncomfortable feeling I experienced when Kendra and I didn't talk for a month in High School because she was bothered by me be-friending Kelly, when Candice (a friend since Kindergarten) stopped speaking over a boy back at Paul JHS, when Nichole and I had mis-communication issues through a third party that was mis- informed. Granted Na and I were crossed the boundaries into a relationship...and now the friendship is damaged...makes you wonder was it all worth it to begin with? Especially, since in my heart I know the end result of what happens in this lifestyle...

The cold hard truth that I can face, and others hate me for always facing it, saying I deem everything negative, they don't want me to talk about it, they'd rather ignore it, but my eyes are always open to the fact:

"The fun we have in 'Sin' is only for a season."

Jesus is our reason for living a lifetime...

And until we are no longer in Sin...we'll always end up seeking

Closure.

Standing on these Words...

2005-01-27T11:17:00.000-05:00

To set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, indeed it cannot; 8 and those who are in the flesh cannot please God. 9 But you are not in the flesh, you are in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Any one who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although your bodies are dead because of sin, your spirits are alive because of righteousness. Romans Chapter 8 6:10

I never expected to be delivered overnight but I am standing and confessing the entire eighth chapter of Romans regarding the flesh through prayer. I've been taught that God loves to hear when we confess his word because anything that's in his word is promised to us. I strive to be a doer of his word and not just a hearer...I can say all day, "Oh I have faith that God will Deliver me..." But like the word of God says, "Faith without Works is Dead." James Chapter 2 vs 17

We can accompany our faith by getting into the word of God, feeding our souls , fulfilling our hearts, and then start acting on the word that we hear...In the last blog, I said it was so hard...But God has given me revelation that it really isn't that hard. Being delivered will be hard for you if you are not getting fed the Word of God on a daily basis, because it allows you to get fed things of the natural world instead....If you are still seeing the strippers, hanging around drugs, be-friending people who cheat on their husbands or wives, grinding in the clubs with your martini's in your hands,...How in the World can you expect to receive God's best and be delivered?....Once you begin to submerge yourself in things of God, you will want to work towards change and deliverance...

Deliverance....

2005-01-24T08:51:00.000-05:00

As Christians, we've all heard the term "deliverance." We are taught that Jesus Christ died for our sins, so we can be delivered from them and lead victorious lifestyles.

Not subcumbing to the flesh, is the hardest thing I've ever tried to overcome in my life. Since I was 14 years old, my flesh has been weak. It was around that time that I began a life of fornication, which led to drinking, smoking, engaging in homosexual acts, threesomes, experimentation with drugs (selling and using), stripping, etc. The little girl who at 14 years old, was considered so innocent, who looked down upon doing any type of drugs, and who actually was scared to have sex, let herself go and opened the door for mulititudes of sin to enter her life. When I first lost my virginity at 14, about 2 weeks afterwards, I was diagnosed with an STD, and of course the boy cheated on me and left me. I was blessed that what he gave me was treatable and not permanent. All the negativity that came from that one experience should have been fair warning of the hurt and pain that was to follow if I continued to engage in sins of the flesh. Yet, at the time my mother wasn't in Christ, so she didn't know how to advise on how I could actually overcome the flesh. So I continued on...

Trust and believe, I will have some stories to tell my children. I can actually look back and say that I had some fun in my life, but the stories of pain easily outweigh the stories of triumph...at least for now.

Overcoming the flesh is something I am determined to do. Its even harder now because I've been accustomed to sin so long, and sin can tend to become a part of your life. What's even harder is that I am in love with a woman. I'm in love with the way that she treats me, advises me, and supports me.... I'm in love with her heart and her soul...it feels so right, but yet its so wrong...because of my "understanding" about the ways we know we should be living our lives through the word of God. Tears well up in my eyes as I write about it, because I feel selfish...'another sin'...I don't want to let her go, but I love her enough to force myself.

She deserves a greater love, much more than I can ever give her. We deserve a greater love, much more than we could ever give each other. I know its seems far fetched now, but because I truly love her, I want to see her 100% happy, I want to see her legacy passed down through beautiful children, I want to see her with a husband who loves her as Christ loves the church...I will never be able to fully provide her with what she deserves, and its selfish of me to trick myself into believing I can.

I am believing God for the deliverance of both of us. This is something that I can admit, I never did before because I feared the unknown. Yet when I am in the presence of the Lord, all I can think of is positive outcomes, rewards, and blessings from obeying Gods word. We came into each others lives for a reason...not exactly sure what that reason may be...but I know that despite the mixed emotions we could be feeling now...the result of us meeting will always be more positive than negative. I've grown because of her. I wouldn't admire and love her so much if it wasn't meant to be positive.

Manifestation…Prayer, Believe (Faith), Work…Declaration…

2005-01-13T09:48:00.000-05:00

It’s been almost a month since I’ve blogged so as you can imagine my life has been hectic. Yet over these past few weeks I’ve lived by some principals that I want to share with you all, in hopes that living this way can produce change in your life.

When I first began blogging, I wrote about the fact that maybe I chose the wrong career path in a “For Profit”, money hungry industry. Although this type of work may be a good fit for many people, I wasn’t necessarily “fitting in.” It got to the point where I dreaded walking in the doors of my company. Instead of continuing to complain about the situation, I took action. I prayed and believed, worked for, and declared change in my life. That change was manifested. I now work for a wonderful, difference making, crime fighting, non-profit organization that has been in existence for over 25 years. Some people call it “irony” because of my desire to work for an industry that makes a difference in communities after Kendra’s death. Yet, I simply call it the “Power of Jesus.” God knows my heart. And, because I prayed, had faith in my prayer, worked for what I prayed for, and declared the change, it was in the natural “order” of God to bless me.

When my best-friend was murdered in September, I was devastated. Through my period of disbelief and devastation, there were times when I actually wished it was me who was killed, just so I wouldn’t have to bear the pain of the void that has occurred in my life. My godmother duties, turned into motherly duties overnight, and life became overwhelming. Living miserably isn’t my style; my so-called “free spirit” needed to be set free. So I began to pray for peace within my soul. Not only did I pray, I had faith in my prayer, because how will God bring about change in my life, when I don’t even believe in him enough to “know” that he has taken care of things. Anyone can “pray.” But if you don’t have “faith”; belief in the things that are not seen; then God is not obligated to bless you. God also wants his people to work towards what they want. I couldn’t pray for peace, believe that I received peace, and then sit around the house, gaze at old pictures, and cry all day. Instead, I began to fellowship with positive individuals, and immerse myself around people and things that I enjoyed. Last but definitely not least, I declared the spirit of peace over my life. Even during times when I felt low, you would never have been able to tell. I worked on cheering others up who were sad about losing Kendra, and basically said that I was at peace, even if in the inside I was still hurting. Overtime, that peace was manifested in my life.
Now, I will not lie and say that I am smiling everyday, and that I never feel sadness because I miss her. But I do smile, and laugh more than anything when I think of her, because those are the emotions that she gave me the most when she was here on earth.

God wants positive manifestation in our lives. If it is in his “order” i.e. the Word of God i.e. the Holy Bible then we are able to have it. The keys to the kingdom are right in his word. I am sharing these principals with you because naturally I am excited. God wants his people to be prosperous, carefree, individuals with purpose. In 5 months, my salary increased by 10,000 dollars, my relationships were strengthened with friends and family, and although I lost my best-friend, I learned to be at peace, knowing that she is at peace in heaven. All of these positive occurrences were manifested just from living by principals in his word. Trust, I still have a long way to go and a lot of things need to be ‘worked’ on or ‘changed’ in my life…But as you can see, I’m getting the hang of it. Besides, through prayer, faith, hard-work, and declaration you’ll be able to make some changes in your life too.

The Eyes of a Child

2004-12-15T08:55:00.000-05:00

At times it becomes neccesary to transform into a child when analyzing people, situations, etc. As we all know, children are the best judges of character and as adults we can learn something from them. Like children, the best way to judge someones character is to not judge them at all and simply open your heart. Let their actions shown towards you and you only, be the determination for how you feel about them.

I've learned that in this world, it is easy to be deceived by people whose intentions are negative for you. Yet, because many of us have been hurt and deceived by the people in our lives, naturally we want to trust and believe that when someone who seems positive comes along, that they are genuine...and its a struggle to believe that wholeheartedly.

I want to trust and believe that certain people are genuine, because if they are, and I'm not trusting or believing them, I know I can miss out on a beautiful friendship. I don't want to be judgemental because of someone history, sexuality, etc. Especially, since I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of harsh judgement.

My heart has been hardened the past few years. I'm praying for God to soften it because I want to fully trust and love. I have been betrayed by friends, lovers, and even my father....after that, I almost accepted betrayal as part of my destiny. Luckily, I've recently come to the realization that I control my destiny, and that I don't have to accept negativity. No one is going to be perfect, have a perfect attitude, or a clean past....hell I know I don't...It's up to me to judge only by the actions shown towards me, thus eliminating hearsay factors, and moving forward. By seeing people through the eyes of a child, and not analyzing every factor or situation too hard, I may gain a serious blessing...So I vow today to start seeing things in a different light...taking it back to my childhood, before I was ever hurt, before I was ever betrayed, before I was ever judged...Its' time to open my heart as "actions" become the determining factor ...

Only time will tell...

Not Yet...

2004-12-07T08:54:00.000-05:00

Today I'm in paradise
Experiencing new realms of tranquility
Engulfed in happiness
Embraced by love
Love so overwhelming it comsumes my being
My mind knows its eternity
And my soul begins to rejoice
In awe, for never realizing that stars emit so much light
Basking in the glory that awaits me, I hear her laughter
And feel her smile, my spirit flies
Suddenly....darkness surrounds me
An alarm sounds....Its' 6:15am..hitting snooze
Desperately wanting just 10 more minutes
Instead I toss and turn
Not being able to return to that place
That place... that's so familiar, yet so strange
Wiping my eyes...I start my day

Baaaah Humbug!

2004-12-06T08:46:00.000-05:00

Of course it is no surprise to feel like some shyt over the holidays, especially when you've recently experienced the death of someone close...

Issues....
I'm struggling to get my car before x-mas for the right note, etc....In doing this I have no choice but to depend on someone to take me "car shopping"...which frustrates me...

How was I so "dependent" for so long? Now the most small trace of "dependency" infuriates me...Hell, I've become excellent in pleasing myself and entertaining myself. Funny how things change...

Na's mom has invited me to NY to spend x-mas in NY and to go gambling at Mohegan Suns Casino's x-mas morning in CT. She's so sweet and giving. However, with my explosive attitude and tendency to cry at the drop of a hat, I need to make sure I won't ruin anyone elses day...I think I need to pass.

To top things off...someone essential is leaving my office on Friday, leaving me next in line to deal with an uptight, dictating, and anal President...

*breathe*

As I'm writing this and I'm noticing my complaints...I've realized that regardless of my "humbug spirit", x-mas is about the love of God, family, and friends...Maybe I'll take my mom up on seeing that x-mas play, go play some slots with Na and her mom, take my friend up on seeing the x-mas tree downtown,watch Zaelyn open her gifts, get tipsy off some eggnog...I'll do all I can...and just try to smile, I have a lot to be thankful for...

Writing Is Therapy....at least for me

A Song in My Heart...the Spirit of Faith Way...

2004-11-30T09:12:00.000-05:00

I'm sure we all can relate to the feeling of having a song in your head, that we can't seem to stop singing. Well this is how I've been feeling about Hezekiyah Walker's song, "I need you to Survive"...the words of this song minister to my heart. I'll share them with you and tell you why. However, my pastor has instructed our choir to change the words a bit. Instead of saying, "I need you to survive" we say "I need you in my life." Personally, I agree with the change, because I don't need any "human" to survive, but I do need people in my life.
Here are the words:

I need you
you need me
we're all apart of God's body
Stand with me, agree with me
We're all apart of God's body
It is his will that every need be supplied
You are important to me I need you in my life ( repeat again)

I pray for you
you pray for me
I love you
I need to you in my life

I won't harm you with words from my mouth
I love you
I need you in my life ( repeat 7x)
It is his will that every need be supplied
You are important to me I need you in my life

These words explain love, friendship, and fellowship in Christ so perfectly. When you accept Jesus as your Lord and savior you become part of the body Christ. Being a part of that body, it is your duty to love, fellowship, and pray for and with other Christians. This song brings tears to so many peoples eyes, because EVERYONE wants to be told that they are needed, and loved. And there are even more people that never hear those words from someone, who sincerely means it. Think of the days you can brighten by just expressing your love for someone. Try it sometimes. If you feel that you "need" someone tell them. If you feel that you "love" someone tell them. If you have "prayed" for someone, or want them to pray for you tell them. Its better late than never.

The Thought of "New Life" Has Made My Thanksgiving...

2004-11-24T09:09:00.001-05:00

Jovan was born today at 5:38am and weighed in at 7lbs 1 ounce, and I am once again the proud godmother. This will be the last of my godchildren, because hell I need to have some children of my own one day. Two is quite enough. Nevertheless, I am thankful, and blessed to have both Zaelyn and Jovan in my life.
Being a godmother is not just a title, its a serious responsibility...at least to me. As with Zaelyn, I am prepared to handle anything God forbid if something were to happen to Lish. These children will reap the benefits of me educating them about the love of God, and of course having a godmother who loves them and treats them as if they are her own children. Considering the circumstances in September, of losing my best-friend, this new life is something to give praise to God about...

TO EVERYONE HAVE A HAPPY AND BLESSED THANKSGIVING!

Jovan at 4 months

Major Setback...

2004-11-19T08:09:00.000-05:00

There are times in everyone's life where you feel you've have learned from something and that you have stopped doing whatever it was, because at one time it proved to be something negative for you.

Did I explain that right?...

Basically, without getting into detail, there was something that I grew from and learned from in the past..What in the world made me step back? Why wasn't I "stronger"?. Are questions that I'm asking myself this morning...I allowed myself to be controlled by urges, that I "thought" I learned to control.
As strong as I appear on my exterior, it all dissapeared last night...and the sad thing is I enjoyed it...

I know I'm not the only person in the world who has experienced setbacks however, its when we continue to have setbacks in our lives that we must wonder and reevaluate ourselves. Because of the guilt you tend to feel after a "setback" its usually your last time stepping back...unless you have an addiction to whatever it is that you've done. Although you felt good at the moment, the aftereffect is the worst. Well I'm experiencing the aftereffect, and its hurts...because what feels good to you is definitely not always good for you...

I know this but for now, I need huge banner posted somewhere so I can remember.

It's 12:00 am

2004-11-17T23:56:00.000-05:00

Na is asleep, my parents are asleep, and my friends are more than likely asleep. It's just one of those moments...one of those moments at night where you toss and turn because your mind is constantly racing....As I'm constantly questioning life sounding like the Jadakiss song "Why?"

I have no one to talk to, as the tears began to run rapidly down my face, flashing back to memories of laughter with my best-friend. The one who didn't have to ask whether or not I cared about an issue or not because she already knew how I felt. I didn't have to explain much...She was just different I guess, she paid attention, and understood...and now she's gone...well in the physical that is...Its sad as hell, because as I get into "things" or have "issues" with other close friends; I realize the value of what I had in my life....a sister.

When I was young, I always asked my mother to have another child...preferably a girl, as if she had any control..:-)...At the time my mother couldn't afford to have another child and then I began to forget my request anyway as I grew older and developed bonds and friendships with a few people...Yet, it wasn't until High School that I found someone that treated me better than a "best-friend"...they treated me as family. I am forever thankful for these wonderful memories we have, and I have been taught not to question God, but human nature makes me wonder, "Why her?"" Why Kendra?" "Why do the righteous die so young?"..."Why do people ignore their conscious?"..."Why don't they realize the massive ripple effect on the lives of families and friends of people they take away senslessly?" This death has torn an entire family apart..."Why?"

I continue on with my life like I know she would have wanted me to, and I remain strong for her daughter and family...and grieve quietly by myself at times like this 12:15 am...alone...when everyone else is asleep, and I have peace...

No questions, no pats on the back, just let me cry...just let me pray and continue to affirm my strength and joy in the Lord...I can't expect others to understand how I'm feeling...Nevertheless, I've been told though that these types of nights and days will come and go for a long, long, time...

What Does She See When She Looks At Me?

2004-11-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

When I spend time with my goddaughter I can't help but wonder what does she see when she looks at me?...When she is around me, she lets no one touch her but me, and will cry or have a tantrum if I dare to step out of her sight. I have to admit, having a child love you that much is the most wonderful feeling in the world. This really makes me anticipate having a child of my own even more.

Since Kendra's death, many people have said that they see A LOT of Kendra in me. Its' obvious that we would have some similarities being that we were best-friends, at times seeming as if we were attached at the hip. Yet, I can only wonder if Zaelyn sees the same thing. With Zaelyn living with her father, and with our schedules constantly colliding, I don't get to see her as much as I would like. Nevertheless, when I do see her, at one years old, she recognizes me instantly and attaches herself to me. I honestly feel that her mother's spirit has assured her that I will make sure she is safe, and as her godmommy I have her back.

Now I can relate to mothers and fathers when they say what a wonderful feeling it is to have your child look you in the eyes, with so much love and admiration...Granted Zaelyn isn't my daughter by blood, but she's my daughter by God. Since God needed her mommy as one of his angels, I'll continue to love her as my own and do whatever I can to make sure she is brought up in Christ.

Inspiration from my Favorite Rapper...

2004-11-09T10:24:00.000-05:00

"Visualizin the realism of life and actuality
Fuck who's the baddest a person's status depends on salary
And my mentality is, money orientated
I'm destined to live the dream for all my peeps who never made it
cause yeah, we were beginners in the hood as five percenters
But somethin must of got in us cause all of us turned to sinners
Now some, restin in peace and some are sittin in San Quentin
Others such as myself are tryin to carry on tradition..." NAS feat. AZ "Life's a Bitch"

I'm really feeling this song this morning...this almost sums it up...
In my heart and soul, I know I'm desitined to live the dreams that Kendra wasn't able to fulfill...
To turn a negative thing into something positive. To make a difference in our "own" environment. Kendra and I came from very rough lifestyles, and still was able to rise, to pursue great things...other women like us should too....Unfortunately, her demise was to soon...but a huge part of me knows I will carry on tradition...

Ultimate Realization...

2004-11-08T09:57:00.000-05:00

This weekend turned out better than I thought, I have to admit. The turn out for Kendra's vigil was beautiful. I am so happy that people came out to support, I'm also dissapointed that more people didn't show up. There were people in the neighborhood that didn't even show support. However, if Jay-z or being that we are in DC if a go-go band was performing, the numbers would have been incredible. It just goes to show you how African-Americans are not unified...

Its' discouraging...I want to do so much, but if people can't even support a vigil, will they even bother to support the foundation? or Are they just "all talk" for the moment? I hope Vincent Gray (council member for Ward 7) or the Event manager for the Congressional Black Caucus aren't just all talk. These are people I networked with at the event, that seemed intrigued by what I was trying to accomplish, agreed to be in touch, and even offered to help.

I have come to the sad realization that when you are trying to do something that is for the betterment of others, it is much harder to get support. Imagine if I had told people that some celebrity was going to be there, some strippers, and that they are serving liquor as well...I guarantee you we would have had over a thousand people..."black people especially"...easy.

This experience has also brought an attidude of skeptism and realization when it comes to friends, intentions, etc. More than one person called me the day of the vigil, planning to attend, and didn't show up. The fact that they did not show up, is fine with me, that isn't the issue. I don't expect everyone to feel the same as I do about a cause, because it wasn't a personal thing for them, as it was for me. The issue for me is this..."If you aren't going to honor your committment, at least call, and let me know you won't be able to make it." Showing that small amount of consideration and respect means A LOT. At least to me. I had one girl who called me several times before the vigil, didn't show up, and then when I called her to make sure everything was alright, of course there was no answer. And of course, there was no call from her the entire weekend...and that goes for a few people...I am a very "understanding" person. Had any of my friends called me, and let me know that they could not make it for whatever reason, I would have understood and appreciated them even more for their efforts. This was a little dissapointing...but of course I'll have to get over it like so many other dissapointments I've had the past few months.

But I refuse to let that stop me. Just think, if people had let some hard times discourage them there wouldn't be so many community foundations today. I have already proclaimed and affirmed success in all aspects and parts of my life. Anything is possible through Jesus Christ...my faith in him is greater than ever before...through all of the hardships endured during the past few months, goodness has always prevailed...

And that's my ultimate realization. :-)
Muffy, I miss you so much....

Thought for the Day: Be Progressive...

2004-11-04T11:10:00.000-05:00

At this point, we can only pray that George Bush makes the right decisions for the country.

Continuing to criticize and downplay Bush, isn`t progressive, and we will get nowhere doing it, especially with the majority of the house being Republican...

It's time for us to better ourselves as individuals while coming together to be progressive as a whole!

Think People!!!

I also pray that this doesn't cause anti-voting sentiment amongst young people and minorities who came out to vote in this election.

Matthew 12 Verse 25 Says: "Every kindom divided against itself is brought to desolation and every city or house divided against itself will not stand!"

Vote or Die!!!

2004-11-02T10:01:00.000-05:00

The message this morning is clear....
If you haven't already done it, make sure you do by the end of the day today.

Especially as minorities...because if you aren't a part of the solution, you remain part of the problem...

I don't care WHO you vote for, just make your voice heard by simply Voting...

Peace & Blessings

Transitions...

2004-10-25T08:10:00.000-04:00

Someone who recently read my blogger told me that they noticed that I am going through a lot of transitions at this point in my life. This is something that I've come to realize, happens often in the life of a 23 year old woman. In our early twenties, we are at a point of making mistakes and learning from them. Our lessons are what molds us into the person that we ultimately become.

Well I have another transition...In the previous blog, I stated that there was some possible "hope" for my relationship and that we even will continue to go into business together. All that changed in a matter of a weekend and I received "revelation." I'm sure you've heard the tale of "reason", "season", and "lifetime." Na has came into my life, and has brought a lot of positive into it...that I can never doubt. However, just because someone teaches you something new about life, doesn't mean that they are your "soulmate." They could have just crossed your path to make you a better human being, and mate for whom God really has in store for you to be with. Na and I are like Night and Day. I'm what you call I guess a "free-spirit"...everything to her is more "serious"...I'm optimistic, Na is pessimistic. With all that I've been through in the past few months, you would think it would be the other way around.

So yesterday, October 25th we agreed to let it go because we both are unhappy. I cannot be something she wants overnight, and vice-versa. The person God has for me will love me for who I am and not try to change me into they want me to be...I'm sure of that. I have some faults...I haven't yet to finish my bachelor's degree and because I chose to put my relationship first and not myself I've had to take a step back and come back home. I was accepted into Trinity University's School of Professional Studies with no problem, it's just lack of finances that has held me back. Now that I'm newly single I definitely have no excuse to get those things in order, especially since I'm not that far away from my English degree. As far as being home goes...its not that bad, especially when your mom is the sweetest Christian woman ever. lol She doesn't neccesarily approve of my lifestyle, but she shows me unconditional love. When I moved some more of my things from Na's house yesterday and came home, she noticed how distraught I was, and gave me a big hug and told me she loved me. At that moment, I felt so loved, so comforted, and it was at that exact moment when I realized....I will be alright. Besides, my mommy needs me now more than ever, especially with my father not working.

God has a reason for everything...maybe it was destined for me to move back home, and break up with Na so I can be constantly surrounded by the love of God through my mother. It hurts...I can't even lie...but if the ending of this relationship hasn't taught me anything else...its taught me to always have my independence (I depended on Na for several everyday things that are now gone), and its taught me that when you feel in your heart that someone isn't compatible for you, don't ever try to force it...because you'll both end up hurting in the long run .

Still Breathing...

2004-10-14T16:59:00.000-04:00

In a matter of only a few weeks, I've :

lost a friend of a lifetime,
turned 23,
went on vacation to the bahamas,
had a great time,
but my relationship is suffering,
which causes me to move back home... only to attempt to put things back together because of all the time and energy you put into it...which is an exam within itself...

I can't seem to cut a fucking break.

I must need Jesus....

Breathe and Count to 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1

2004-09-29T14:00:00.000-04:00

My patience is now being tried...My mind is clouded with questions...Did I make the right decision by leaving my comfy job working within a hospital pharmacy, with all different types of ethnicities, to working in "corporate" America on somewhat of the lower end of the totem pole, being one of 3 "token" blacks???

Is it really worth the 8000 dollar increase in pay, working for this "for profit" organization, when my heart is in helping people achieve things in non profit ways? These are questions one must ask themselves before choosing a job/career track.

Ultimately, I "knew better" however the salary I was making at my "comfy job" wasn't doing anything for my lifestyle...so some sacrifices are to be made...

My dream?

To be at a point in my life where people "advise" me at my job, not "tell" me what to do...I'll get there...its destined...I'm not sure how exactly...but trust me I have some leads...

Making Moves in this Crazy World...

2004-09-28T16:05:00.000-04:00

I received a call from an old friend today...and it seems like I'm not the only one going through it...Last night her cousin killed his girlfriend, and then turned the gun to kill himself. I'll be in deep prayer tonight for his family...its so unfortunate, because as a Christian, I know what the bible says about suicide...and it isn't good. I only hope that his family will eventually be able to find some peace...

On a bright side of things, I am looking over and beyond because I know in my heart there are good things to come. I spoke with the head of a non-profit development and management company in regards to the foundation I am starting in my friend's name. By God's blessings, she used to be an employee of this company, so they are definitely willing to help me. They would like to help me determine the financial model to ensure the overall success of this foundation. I have a meeting with some top level executives, and the CEO of this company in a few weeks...So anyone reading this, say a prayer in my favor...that the death of this beautiful, free-spirited, ambitious, loving, young woman will not EVER go in vain...

If Zaelyn would like a part in this when she grows up, I can already see her taking an active role, ensuring that her mom's legacy never dies.

:-)....Finally Something to Smile About!

2004-09-27T09:59:00.000-04:00

Picture is of myself, Zaelyn, and her Godfather.

An absolutely beautiful weekend...something my heart has been needing. My goddaughter turned one this weekend. Seeing everyone at the party, friends, and family, together in fellowship and celebration just made my heart smile.

It seemed like only yesterday, when I rushed from work to the hospital because Kendra told me she was in labor. It seemed so surreal, that one of us was finally having a baby. Zae didn't want to come out and face this cruel world...she was a week and a half over her due date. My crazy friend was so eager to get Zae out, that she lied to the doctor's and told them she had fell down the stairs, so they could keep her for observation. lol So, because Zae was late anyway, they proceeded to induce labor.

She came out almost 10 lbs. When I got to the hospital, I remember Kendra saying, "Hold your goddaughter, because you will be doing this a lot..." Over the course of the year, she attempted to teach me things...things like: what makes Zae laugh? what foods she like? how to give her a bath? etc. I NEVER imagined in a million years that Kendra would no longer be on this earth, and that knowing these little tidbits of information would become that much more important.

Nevertheless, her entire family feels this way. Zaelyn Amore Watson, is what keeps us going. Her smile lifts us up...and although I want to break down in tears when I hear her say, "Ma Ma"...I thank God that Kendra left a legacy that consumes her spirit in everyway. At one years old, she already laughs at everything, and is genuinely a people person...just like her mom...knowing this makes me ready for what the future has to hold when watching her grow up, and this is definitely something to smile about. :-)

One Day At A Time...

2004-09-24T08:43:00.000-04:00

This has been a rough time for me, but like they say, "there is always a light, at the end of a tunnel." It seems as if my grief for losing Kendra will never end, although I'm attempting to believe what everyone says, "As time goes on, things will get better. "

Out of the blue, I believe it was the day before her memorial service, I received an e-mail from someone sending their condolences. This e-mail was different from the others though...because when I couldn't seem to find comfort in anything, these words soothed me. As the days went by we shared our feelings, beliefs, and thoughts on life, death, love, family, etc. As much as I rambled, and talked, this person who barely knew me, listened.

Nevertheless, it wasn't solely the fact that they "listened" to me, that has me feeling what I feel today. The way this person "thinks" is so similar to my way of thinking, its almost a little scary. I am now to the point when a simple pop up of a name in an e-mail from this person warms my heart.

At low points when I'm not feeling particularly "blessed" because of the events that have been occuring in my life, I think of this person and I smile. I picture us someplace, far away, maybe walking along some water, just talking, laughing, and vibing with each other...You know Kendra and I did things like that?... Maybe I am vulnerable...maybe I need to get a grip...I have a excellent supportive lover...am I crazy?! delusional?...What's meant? Do I even know anymore? I don't feel losing Kendra the way I did was meant...

Whatever is meant to be, will be...besides I'm in a relationship, and I never imagined that I would ever feel ANY type of way about anyone else. With Na, I didn't feel like I even needed any more friends...the less people in our lives, the better....How could those deep feelings I had for Na almost escape me just from losing a friend?...Maybe this is a phase I'm going through, or maybe this just proves that, "nothing lasts forever."

I learned that the hard way, when Kendra was taken away from me. So now I just take things, one day at a time, always following my heart, regardless of the outcome...no regrets.

Moving On...

2004-09-22T09:34:00.000-04:00

Kendra and I During Her Baby Shower August 2003
It's been exactly 2 weeks since I buried my best friend. What I've realized is, that things will eventually become easier as time goes on. I thank God that she gave birth to Zaelyn because her legacy will now live on. I haven't been up to writing lately, as you can imagine...It's so hard because I miss her so much...Nevertheless, her death will not be in vain...A scholarship foundation is being set up in her honor, among other things...
Women will soon have help rising to Kendra's caliber of success. She would have wanted things this way...
xoxo I have your back Kendra...just watch. :-)

Burying Your Best Friend

2004-09-09T10:52:00.000-04:00

Divyne & Best Friend in 1997
Death is something we can't escape. Eventually, we all will pass, it's inevitable. But can someone please explain to me why good people, are allowed to die horrible deaths??
They say time heals all wounds, but does it really? Kendra was closer to me than anyone. She is the one who knows all of my secrets, hopes, and dreams. Every few hours or so, I pinch myself to make sure I'm not in a nightmare...everything seems so surreal. Her numbers are still on my recent calls list on my cell phone...Her last e-mail to me we discussed her future. When we last spoke she told me she was stressed about some situations, but hell it was nothing that she wasn't strong enough to get through.
I held her hand through her first heartbreak, she made me laugh and get over mine. I don't have another friend, who calls my mom, "Ma", and kisses me everytime they see me. This is more than a friend...I'm burying a sister, who just had a baby (who's my goddaughter)...way too soon...and I don't understand why? The only woman whose feet I've touched when she was pregnant, and laid on her stomach to talk to her baby to tell her how much she's gonna be loved when she comes out.
Don't give me any bullshit, like "It was her time..." Because it wasn't. She was just beginning a career, just starting her family...
I need to get through this...I just don't know how...

Vacation Mode!!!

2004-09-01T09:11:00.000-04:00

Yea!! For Me!!!...
I am on serious vacation mode. I leave for the Hotlanta tomorrow, finally getting experience what everyone talks about. I've heard so much, and I'm finally going to see what the hype is all about. You all know how it is, when you are about to go somewhere, and every minute at work takes EXTRA long to pass. You just keep looking at the clock, hoping and praying that your day can go by faster.

I recently took on a new job so this short labor day trip is a welcoming break my soul needed. Just knowing that I have a few days to break out of the suits, and break in the mini-skirts for a few days,brings a smile to my face.

Spritual Realm

2004-08-31T08:18:00.000-04:00

I am extrememly tired this morning. My roomate seems to believe that there are "spirits" within our home. Having this belief keeps her up at night, and in turn makes it hard for me to sleep as well. Now I'm not one to down someone for their beliefs, but my Christian upbringing has taught me not to fear anything....not death, not being alone, nothing... but God. I'm not perfect by a long shot...you'll realize that as you read more of my posts... However, developing this type of mentality, has given me strength.
Unfortunately, she has been taught to believe in superstitions, and myths. This isn't and hasn't done her any good, because she is the one who ends up terrified any time she hears a creak in the stairs while she's trying to sleep. Now I do believe in a spiritual realm, but I also believe that we cannot see what's in the spiritual realm. I also feel that "spirits" cannot hurt us...Hearing things can freak you out, only if you let it. This mentality comes from "biblical" teachings and not "mythological."...So you tell me what's better to have?
Me knowing Jesus Christ is my sole protector from all harm and danger...whom shall I fear?? Nothing or No one.

Birth of an Angel...

2004-08-30T13:25:00.000-04:00

Today is my mother's birthday. And to me, this is a celebration of the birth of an angel. I thank God for her all the time, reminding myself that I am strong because of her. I am alive because of her. Not only because she gave birth to me...but she literally saved my life by praying for me. Today, I am a totally different person than I was 2 years ago on this day. I lived a fast life of continuous partying, taking xtc pills on a regular basis, smoking weed, etc...constantly allowing myself to dip further and further into the abyss. My mother knowing my ways, still remained by my side. She uplifted me with love and kind words, even when I didn't feel worthy. Supernaturally, my life began to change. I didn't have the desire to party in that way. My so-called friends thought I was a "party-pooper" and stopped calling me or inviting me out. I was hurt at first, until I realized that this was God's way of weeding out negativity in my life.
Who knows where I would have been if I didn't have a strong Praying mother by my side?? Unfortunately, a lot of my old friends have no one praying or believing in them. And from what I've heard, they are doing a lot worst...Nevertheless, they will always remain in my prayers.
Thank you mommy. I love you, and happy birthday.

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Divyne's Realm

Broken....check out Blog on Myspace www.myspace.com/missdivyne

Have We Become Desensitized? -Part 2 Look for it on MySpace www.myspace.com/missdivyne

Have We Become Desensitized?

One of My Last Posts...

Love=Emotions?

Itinerary for 2006....A Working Document!

I'm It!

Do I Waste That Much Time?

So What Does the Year of "Pressing In" Mean For Me?

2005 some things were released, 2006 It's time to Press On In! I'm ready!

I'm Starting To...

What to do when the PERFECT man is not YOUR man....

Not as Fun as it Looks on TV!

Is execution THE solution?

Dedication to MEN

I'm a Blogging Somebody Today....Check this out...

Newsflash!!! Its Exclusive!

20 minutes

The Pound Cake Disaster

When I have children, what in the world will they think?

Baby are we "Prayer Partners" or What?!

Book of the Week!

A Work in Progress

The Words that Set Me Free....

"Affection" As Women, It's desired. Yet, we all desire to receive it differently.

The Best Witnessing....Comes from your Lifestyle

Hail to the Redskins!!!! Redskins 17 Philly 10

Vultures??....Yes Girl Even at Church!

50 Cent Doesn't Get It...How Many Others Don't?

Letting the Guards Down....Maybe its the cold weather, maybe its just time, maybe I'm just beginning to love...

Here's a Little Something for you to Copy & Paste

My First Time...

Busting Out! Ha!

No More Drama=Not As Entertaining

Deep *sigh*...

Committment Phobe?? Could I be??

Today's Faith Victory!

This will not Break My Spirit

Proverbs 31 Woman...Dedicated to My Mommy...

Joy Divided By The Lord Equals Eternal Happiness!

LOVE....The TRUE Definition

Studying to Show YOURSELF Approved!

Who that is? That's Just that Favor Working! (inside thing from the Nationwide Women's Conference)

Joy Comes In the Morning...Because I Am A New Creature!

Spiritual Warfare...

The Generational Blessing

Struggling in your Christian Walk? Let's be like Ruth and find us some Naomi's!

SEXUAL HEALING CONFERENCE....

Forgiveness IS for Me, not You!

Unequally Yoked....YIKES!

Thank you Holy Spirit for Revelation Knowledge!

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack!

How Did I Do??

Auditions tomorrow!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUFFY!

My Daily Confession

Just when you are about too...

Redskinette!!! Uh...No an Ambassador Will Do for Now!

One of my appointed roles...

A Collective Effort for Change

Relationship to Friendship

My Eyes Are Watching God....

Just Can't Win! Can I?

The Worst Feeling in the World....

Growth...I need some!

Is it ticking already??!!

Closure...

Standing on these Words...

Deliverance....

Manifestation…Prayer, Believe (Faith), Work…Declaration…

The Eyes of a Child

Not Yet...

Baaaah Humbug!

A Song in My Heart...the Spirit of Faith Way...

The Thought of "New Life" Has Made My Thanksgiving...

Major Setback...

It's 12:00 am

What Does She See When She Looks At Me?

Inspiration from my Favorite Rapper...

Deep sigh...